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Thursday, April 24, 2008

Drop The Needle #4

Rose's mother is the spokes-model for the most successful cosmetics company in America. On Rose's sixteenth birthday, she's slated to inherit this responsibility - just as all the women in her family have done for one hundred years. But Rose is one hundred pounds overweight (a fact she's ashamed of), so her mother makes her wear a corset to hide her bulking middle and her father points out that she's not losing the weight. Today is Rose's sixteenth birthday, and her father is about to place the crown on her head.


“Ladies and gentlemen! I would like to direct your attention to Kendrick Royce, CEO of Flawless Cosmetics.”

The motorized sound of the velvet curtains being drawn back echoed through the room. Rose’s heart skipped a beat.

“Good evening!” said Dad. “Twenty-seven years ago, my lovely wife, Candace, became Flawless Cosmetic’s Queen, and she’s been marvelous! The best yet, in fact."

The crowd applauded.

"I couldn’t believe my luck when she agreed to marry me. But, now, I’m luckier still. Because sixteen years ago today, we were blessed with a beautiful little girl.”

Rose couldn’t breathe. The stupid corset was too tight.

“Rose brought joy and contentment to our hearts as we watched her grow.”

Her heart pounded in her chest. The spots were taking over her vision again.

“And now, she’s a young woman, ready to take on tradition and the world. I give you the new Queen of Flawless Cosmetics, Rose Connolly!”

The crowd cheered.

Rose stared at the door. She was supposed to walk through it and smile graciously as her father placed the crown on her head. She had to go. So why wouldn’t her feet move? Her hands trembled. Her skin itched. The crowd cheered on, deafening her, and somehow stealing all the oxygen in the room. Her chest heaved, but her lungs still seemed empty. She wanted to scream.

Rose stumbled backward, her hand bumping a doorknob. Another door! She had to get outside, away from the oxygen stealing monsters. She flung the door open and ran down a dark hall. A neon “exit” sign buzzed at the other end. She burst through that door and leaped down the stairs. Endless stairs. Turn after turn after turn. She was dizzy. She couldn’t breathe. She reached for the wall, then kept going. Would these stairs ever end? Yes, there. Rose pushed open the door and stumbled into the icy air.

The wind whipped through her dress, and the freezing air stabbed at her throat. She gagged, the wind stealing her breath away, then shivered and hugged her lace-covered shoulders. The bitter cold had chased away the dizziness, and her mind was clear. Crystal clear.

Rose had just run away from her crowning.

Her heart pounded, and a new wave of dizziness washed over her. What was wrong with her? She should be on the platform, accepting the Flawless crown from her father. Instead, she was in a dark, deserted street, in December, with no coat, no money, no phone, nothing. How was she going to get back upstairs?



The different stages of PANIC.

5 comments:

  1. Yep, definitely panic. Poor Rose!!

    I love, "Her skin itched."

    And the panic segues beautifully into immediate conflict -- how WILL she get back upstairs?

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  2. Yes. PANIC. BTW - I like this scene and immediately care what happens to Rose.

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  3. Yes, definitely panic! I like it--great tension. :)

    ~Merc

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  4. Oh, oh, OH! I recognize this--I'll be critting this today!

    I think the panic is very evident. You've used your sentence structure well to showcase her feelings with the rapid short bursts of action. The only thing that pulled me out was 'oxygen-stealing monsters'. It didn't feel like a 16 yr old's thought. But very, very good.

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  5. Thanks, guys. :) This was a hard scene to write. :)

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