TITLE: Book of the Baba Yaga
GENRE: Middle reader adventure/fantasy
"Samantha!" Sam nearly jumped out of her skin. She'd never heard her father sound like that. "Samantha!" She felt as though his voice might cut her to pieces. Heavy footsteps sounded on the stairs.GENRE: Middle reader adventure/fantasy
"Samantha - I know you have that pendant!" She heard the door rattle. "Open the door! Immediately!"
"Will! Where's my mother?" Sam demanded, reaching toward the doll with trembling hands.
"I don't know!" cried Will. "And I can't keep this window open much longer!"
"Who's in there with you?" Her father threw himself against the door. It creaked under his weight, but did not give. Bailey barked as Sam looked at the wall. Where is she?
"Samantha!" Teresa's voice joined her father's. "Open this door! Now!”
"Will, can I go through?"
"Yes - hurry - " the doll's voice cracked. Sam lifted him up. He touched the center of the spot. Ripples flowed outward from his hand. He shook from head to toe.
"Samantha!" Her father threw his weight against the door again. The doorknob squealed against the top of the chair and Bailey whined almost in unison. "Please, you don't know what you're getting into! Please open this door!"
"Touch the space, " the doll croaked.
Sam raised her arm.
"H-hurry." Will gasped.
Her father slammed into the door again. This time, it broke loose from its hinges. The chair fell to the ground and he, Teresa and Bailey all tumbled into the room.
"Sam!" Her father ran toward her, his face ashen...
Emotion: Panic
I'm spooked. Talking dolls? That's just scary.
ReplyDeleteI think her father is angry and worried and Sam is scared and possibly angry with her father.
Creepy!
Her father and Theresa seem both angry and afraid. But I think a general feeling of panic definitely imbued the piece.
ReplyDeleteI'm with dad, don't do it! Lots of panic and tension in this piece.
ReplyDeleteApart from the first paragraph, I don't get any read on Sam. The situation is tense and frantic, yes. Her dad and Teresa are angry, yes. But there are no indicators of Sam's emotion, I think.
ReplyDeletePanic, tension, suspense, fear, creepiness. A very frantic scene.
ReplyDeleteActually I felt the father's panic more than Sam's, expecially when he broke the door down.
ReplyDeleteYup, definitely panic. However, I don't feel like the panic is really coming from Samantha. Rather, I read it as the author inserting the emotions and Telling the readers how to feel, rather than letting us see/feel the emotion through your MC's eyes.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI'm the author of the piece. Thanks for all the great and helpful comments! I appreciate it very much. Question: were we supposed to make this the MC's emotion? I was going mostly for the dad's panic for this showcase.
No it doesn't matter which character displays the emotion.
ReplyDeleteI got fear and panic from each of them, including the doll.
I'm certainly curious to read more. So you've done your job there. Well done.
I just focused on the MC, since that seems most natural to me. If the focus was on the dad, i think you conveyed it quite well. But even then it would be a good idea to get some more emotional input from your MC. She's the one we're following on her journey.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting desperation from Sam. Dolls kind of give me the creeps so this story definitely has a creepy feel to it.
ReplyDeleteI got desperation from both the dad and Sam. I don't want to trust the doll. I definitely want to read more.
ReplyDeleteYes, I felt panic, and it was rising.
ReplyDeleteI had to read it twice to figure out that she was talking to the doll! I'm intrigued.
Panic on her dad's side. Maybe fear and desperation on Sam's part.
ReplyDelete