Thursday, November 13, 2008

15 SECRET AGENT: Are You Hooked?

Title: Travelers
Genre: YA fantasy

The memories flashing through my mind were not my own. I recognized them, but they were not familiar; like old photographs, they were worn around the edges and the colors muted to sepia tones. It wasn't really me in any of them.

The only thing I knew for sure was the time-travel that had dumped me here had not been my idea.

The place was familiar—the musty smell of rotting hay in my grandfather's barn was one I knew no matter where, or when, I was. Sunlight streamed through the chinks between the rough boards behind me, catching the swirling dust in its rays.

Stepping out of the shadows, I realized I was not alone. A man was sprawled in one of the stalls. I edged forward quietly, though something told me he couldn't hear me. It wasn't until I was standing over his prostrate form that I understood why; two small holes pierced his shirt, oozing blood onto the bare earth below him.

My hands hit the ground with my knees; I winced against the sudden pain. Burns on my fingers were starting to blister white and throbbing. I had no idea how I'd gotten them.

No, that wasn't true. I looked back to where I'd been standing and could see the gleam of a muzzle in the dust. I'd been holding the gun. I'd been the one to pull the trigger. Twice. Heat from the old-fashioned weapon had seared my hands.

I fought to remember why.

10 comments:

  1. Woa! Lots going on. Consider me hooked.

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  2. Gosh, this is a neat premise... time travel and the protagonist not knowing what happened...
    But I couldn't really see past the passive (telling) writing to get hooked in the story.

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  3. I really liked your description. I'm about halfway hooked--curious enough to read on, but not sure. Something that might add umph to the memory part would be to maybe have a memory and then add the lovely description.

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  4. Ah - I saw this one before. I'm still hooked. ;]

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  5. Hooked! I was thinking it all seemed a bit familiar, but then the gun came into play.

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  6. Interesting. I'm sitting on the fence though a slight breeze might blow me towards intrigued.

    I enjoyed your descriptions. I felt like I was there.

    I was suprised it was listed as fantasy. I thought time travels were considered Sci Fi. But since I don't really like Sci Fi, what would I know?

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  7. Much better draft than the one last posted--tighter language and a definite homing-in on the tension. I did find it a bit odd though that the unnamed narrator remembered he/she was time traveling, but not why she was holding the gun. But yes, I'd keep reading to see where this was doing.

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  8. It's too passive voice for me. Additionally, I'd like to see the ideas in the paragraphs tie together better.

    Nope, not hooked.

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