Wednesday, December 3, 2008

F2S 76

She knew it would happen. "Bugger!" Judy swore as she crushed her
finger in the trestle table yet again.

15 comments:

  1. I'm not sure what a trestle table is, but I'd at least read a little bit more. I'm curious if the first sentence refers to scrunching her finger, or if there's something else going on.

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  2. I think you could take out the first sentence and start with the bugger line; it might be stronger. And I know what a trestle table is--I think it's fine to leave that in there. I like this!

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  3. I agree lose the first sentence. I might read on.

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  4. Launch the first sentence or alter it and put it as the second instead.

    I'd keep reading a bit more though.

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  5. I agree with the others: lose the first sentence. Start with "Bugger!"

    The second sentence has great voice. Love it. I'd keep reading.

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  6. Yes, start with the dialogue, for sure.

    I would read on. And I don't know what a trestle table is, either. I'd still read on. :)

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  7. I like the first sentence, the second seemed anti-climactic though. Generally, I prefer to see the action first and then the reaction to it. Here you have it reversed.

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  8. If she knew it would happen, why is she swearing when it did, as if in surprise? "Trestle" makes it sound like a historical novel... I'd stop reading.

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  9. I agree with everyone about the first sentence. I'd also be interested to keep reading. Trestle table drums up images of the medieval period, but bugger is a 20th Century term. I'd be curious to see where it's all going.

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  10. I agree about the first sentence: Either lose it or swap the sentence order.

    Love the voice in the second sentence! I'm intrigued by the juxtaposition of modern and not-modern terms, so I'd read on to see what's up. :-)

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  11. Too vague. I don't get the connection between sentences.

    I don't know what a trestle table is either, but I'd give it a few more lines to find out.

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  12. The first sentence doesn't really add anything here. I think the second line is the stronger opening. Start with the tension, not the lead-up to it.

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  13. Kinda funny. But not too intriguing. I'd probably read on to see if the next part got my attention.

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  14. I’d bite. Partly because I’d want to know if she was crushing her finger on purpose or accident and partly because I love Bugger as a swear.

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  15. Thank you to all of you for your feedback and encouragement.

    The first sentence has met the delete button, and the trestle table has mutated into a folding table...

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