Wednesday, December 3, 2008

F2S 77

I needed an escape badly. The Black Cat thought so too; its tantalizing scent wafting in my direction.



(Note: The Black Cat is a micro brewed beer.)

13 comments:

Sponge said...

*amused* Thanks for the clarification. :)

Sorry... I'm not hooked.

AC said...

I liked it, but I'd change "wafting" to "wafted" or otherwise change the semicolon to a comma.

I'd read on!

Amanda said...

Not quite sure what's going on. I don't think I'd read on.

Jeannie Ruesch said...

I think if a clarification needs to be made to understand the first two sentences, it probably needs to be reworked. :)

Lapillus said...

I agree with Jeannie. If something has to be explained to the reader it needs work. Although, maybe you clarify that it's beer in the next sentence or two.

In any case, this doesn't hook me but it doesn't sound like a genre I would normally read either.

Just_Me said...

Hmmm... not so sure. Before I read the little under note the sentence actually made more sense. I pictured a cat wanting to escape. Now I'm guessing a person wanting to get drunk, and I'm just not thrilled.

disorderly said...

I'm glad you included an undernote, because the thought of sniffing a cat just didn't seem all that attractive to me.... Have you considered just calling the beer a beer at this point and giving it an identity later?

Also, the word "badly" at the end of the first sentence jarred me, but that may be because I've been pounded on so often about adverbs. (Hey, if **I** don't get to use them, **you** don't get to use them, especially in the first sentence. ;-) )

I'd read on, though. I'm intrigued enough to want to know what's up.

fairchild said...

It's too vague for me. All I know is that the MC is going for a drink.

I'd pass.

Lori said...

I'm not a bit fan of anthropomorphizing inanimate objects, so the bit about the beer didn't work for me. Likewise, MANY stories start off with the protagonist intentionally getting drunk to escape their problems, so it's not a very unique concept used here, I'm afraid.

Bethlene said...

Not hooked. I'm not into stories that start with drowning sorrows in boos.

Anette J Kres said...

Not terribly fond of the first sentence, though I like the immediate threat. The Black Cat in the second sentence grabs my attention more though. As soon as I saw your note as to what The Black Cat is though, my attention waned. The character is in a bar, likely, and an inanimate object thinks he needs an escape, which means it’s an escape from something internal, like a memory. Which means I missed the action. Sad.

Archetype said...

Oh dear, I was worried until I saw the note about the BC being a beer. My concern...if you needed to clarify it, maybe you should just put BC beer in the first sentence. :-)

bloggingexperiments said...

I'd like to know why the beer has a thought on the person needing to escape. I guess things are just a bit too confusing at the moment. I'm not sure what genre this is...on one hand you have someone drinking to escape, and the other you have a thinking beer..fantasy, what?