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Thursday, March 25, 2010

47 Contemporary Fantasy

TITLE: Trinity Coven
GENRE: Contemporary Fantasy


Fingers still tingling from her brush with myth, Kaelin pulled up her blog The Strange and the Beautiful.

June 1: Lake Erie Encounter

14 comments:

  1. Having trouble seeing the word picture in the first part of the sentence; the second part might be better as a separate sentence. Not hooked.

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  2. I'd give it a few more paras

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  3. Consider reversing the two phrases in the first sentence. Ground us with Kaelin before telling us about her fingers.

    I'm not sure that I'm hooked at this point.

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  4. Blog/Journal based stories are not my favorites, and the mention of the name of the blog feels stilted rather than natural. The "brush with myth" intrigues me, so I'd read a bit further to give more opportunity to hook me.

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  5. The first sentence, in my humble opinion, is awkward. I think it's okay to use this sentence structure, but I'm not sure it's the best for an opening line. I had to read it several times before I figured out what you were trying to say ... and I still don't know what a "brush with myth" is. Is myth a person? A thing? If it's a name, why isn't it capitalized? Or is she a writer and she's writing myths? I'm so confused! I hope this helps a little bit. Good luck!

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  6. not quite hooked, but possibly this requires a bit more info to give it context.

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  7. It feels a bit uneven. The blog title is mostly what tripped me up. I'm not entirely hooked.

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  8. Not hooked, sorry! Confused from "brush with myth" and to read about someone looking at their blog (especially this early on) is a bit of a turn-off for me.

    I read blogs - don't wanna read about other people reading theirs! :-)

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  9. Not hooked. What is her brush with myth and why does it make her fingers tingle? That could be interesting, but you don't follow up on it. We go to reading a blog. Not exactly exciting.

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  10. Could be, still undecided. I'd read some more.

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  11. I liked "brush with myth" but it would depend heavily on how the scene unfolded. I'm a 'maybe'.

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  12. Not hooked by this, but the "brush with myth" bit would make me at least read a little further

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