Thursday, March 25, 2010

74 YA Historical

TITLE: A Mad, Wicked Folly
GENRE: YA Historical



My lace-covered bottom was on full display to the street below, my skirt caught above me on my bedroom-window latch.

33 comments:

A.L. Sonnichsen said...

I like this. I like how you wove a historical detail into this opening. Great! I'd definitely keep reading. :)

Jodi Meadows said...

Hah. Yes. Mostly hooked.

Teresa N said...

Somewhat hooked. I'd read a little further to see why she was hanging from the window.

Michelle said...

I'd keep reading to find out why she's in this predicament.

Bluestocking said...

I'd want to keep reading to figure out why she's hanging too, but you might be able to work in hints before you get to the reveal...

Bane of Anubis said...

I always like a bit more intro before embarrassment, but I imagine that's coming afterward... partial hook.

fairchild said...

Hmm. I'd give it a few more lines.

Chantal Kirkland said...

It's cute and sassy. I love it. You got me.

Megalicious said...

cute, I'd keep reading

Momwoman said...

This is a great way to show a person climbing out of a window. Hooked!

Valerie said...

Hooked. Love the humor in this and the style of writing. You got the historical angle across very smoothly. I definitely want to know what happens next!

Walter said...

I love the humor, hooked.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Hooked.

Crystal said...

Yes, I'd keep reading to see how she gets out of this predicament!

Casey McCormick said...

Definitely hooked.

Moira Young said...

This one made me smile. I'm hooked.

Portia said...

Hooked! Well done. :-)

Vicki Tremper said...

I almost laughed out loud! Hooked.

Anassa said...

Hah! Nice opening. I want to know how she got into that situation (and how she's getting out).

The Daring Novelist said...

Hooked enough. I like a character in a predicament.

Main negative is "lace-covered bottom" which doesn't seem right for an historical period (unless it's a very recent period) because it makes me picture lace underwear, and that's a recent thing. Also using the word "bottom" in what seems to be the context makes me question the voice.

However, all of that would depend on what the period, character and situation turn out to be.

Kristi Faith said...

I would keep reading!

carol Newman Cronin said...

Partially hooked, but distracted by the structure of looking down, then up.

melody colleen said...

Yes, embarassment always works for me. I couldn't stop reading just yet.

Sharon Mayhew said...

I would read further so see what was going on...

Barbara said...

The title made me think this was set in the early 1900's. The street below made me think city. Climbing out the window made me think tenement building, or a home where apartments were rented rather than a home she owned, and that made me think she wasn't wealthy, which made me wonder how she afforded lace undies.

Your 25 words made me envision all this, and that's enough to keep me reading because, right or wrong, you make me feel confident I'm going to get an interesting story.

Mountain Heather said...

pretty good, but I feel it could be punchier, by setting it up with how she's feeling and then going to the butt in full view. starting off with the butt in full view made me think this was a hooker, and then I had to revise my image when I got to the second half of the entry

Stella said...

I'd certainly read on.

Dave said...

That's what I call an "Aw CRAP!" moment. Made me smile. I'd read on.

jchaney said...

I'd keep going. Cute!

Merc said...

LOL! Love the title; I'd read on.

Selestial said...

I just said historical wasn't my thing, but this was funny. I'd definitely keep reading

editor1pr said...

I think it's a great hook, I'd love to see how she extricates herself from the embarrassment. But I'm not sure where the history is as obvious to me as it seem to be to some of the rest. A lace-covered bottom is possible right this moment, whereas prior to the Civil War it would not have been -- undergarments changed dramatically for women when bloomers came in; the undergarment in question would have been two legs not connected in the middle and it would have been the last place lace would have been used.
So maybe I'm quibbling with history, but that doesn't take away from the "I want to know how this turns out" factor.

Robbin said...

Seems to be trying to do too much in one sentence.
Start with:
My lace-covered bottom was on full display to the street below.

Then continue as to where and why etc. If it's night doesn't it matter if undies show. Is the street busy below? Tell me she's climbing out a window and the context.