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I'd flip flop the 1st sentence to fix the flow and I'm a little hooked..
I like the idea more than I like the writing. I'd read a little more to see if the writing settled.
Hooked. Seems appropriate for the genre, to me.
I'm hooked, and it was the last sentence that did it.
I'm not entirely hooked yet.... I think the problem here was the forced tightness because of length. I don't know if she/he meant that nobody ever knows about the watcher or nobody ever watches the protagonist.
Intrigued. I'd read on.
I was about to say 'not hooked' then I couldn't figure out why I wasn't hooked. So, I'd have to give it a few more paragraphs to actually determine if I was hooked or not.
Pretty hooked. I'm worried about what's going to happen.
eh, I agree that it doesn't seem important if he's always watching people.
Kinda there. Watch out for the was/were VERB-ing giving way to passive voice. Try to use VERB-ed instead whenever possible. This gives me the feel that this guy watched the MC in a way that no one could know he watched her. Hmmm.
I liked the first sentence. That was hooky. The second and third were too vague and turned me off. What didn't she know? If I knew, I might've read more.
The wording is a little awkward, but I like where I think this is going. Semi-hooked.
not hooked. the writing doesn't flow right.
Thanks for the great feedback. Catherine K. was right. I had to take out a few words to hit the 25 maximum and it messed with the flow. Thanks for the input everyone!
I'm pretty much hooked with this one. But it sounds more like a thriller than a romance.
The story sounds like it would be interesting, but this snippet is all backstory. Not hooked.
Almost--the writing feels like it's lacking something, although I'm intrigued by what's going on.
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