Thursday, March 25, 2010

87 YA Fantasy

TITLE: SIGN OF THE STAR
GENRE: YA Fantasy


Someone approaches, the winds tell me. A rider.

37 comments:

Bluestocking said...

The rhythm of these few words grounds me in the genre you are writing in, but I want more. How does the wind tell you? How do you know it's a rider and not a bear? Is the wind communicating with the narrator explicitly or is it smells etc. that are signaling it? Maybe if there were a bit more to the post I could have a better response.

krizzlybear said...

Perhaps more words could have been added to this to give either a stronger sense of urgency, or a more vivid picture.

Michelle said...

I'm not hooked. I don't think there's enough information to make me care yet.

Jodi Meadows said...

So few words, and yet I like the writing.

Hooked.

Anna said...

On the fence with this one, and I'm not entirely sure why. I'd probably give the book another sentence or two, but I don't have any particular reaction based on what's here.

Bane of Anubis said...

Not hooked -- seems to be trying too hard.

Momwoman said...

The style hooked me.

Chantal Kirkland said...

I'm hooked--you got me. Wind talking to MC. Nice.

Valerie said...

I think I'm more hooked on the idea of what this is about, than the actual sentences themselves. That said, I'd read on, because I like the idea of the wind talking to the narrator and it feels like we're about to be plunged into some tension if not outright action.

Amy Jo said...

I'd read on to find out more.

SonshineMusic said...

Sorry, not hooked. It feels a little forced

Sheila said...

Partly hooked. Can't help but feel it needs a little something more.

Megalicious said...

I like the writing, I'd read more

Moira Young said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
fairchild said...

Interesting. I'd give ita few more paras.

smr said...

i like the first sentence. it's restrained but still evokes a mood. i'd read on.

Beth said...

Hooked. I love how the wind speaks here.

Tami said...

Hooked. The writer's voice comes across clearly with this, and I want to keep reading.

Portia said...

It's got a lyricism that reminds me of old school fantasy, which I like. Hooked.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Hooked.

Christine said...

I like people who talk to winds, but I feel like I've read this before. I'd keep reading to see if it gets less common.

Casey McCormick said...

I agree with Christine.

Kristi Faith said...

It read awkward for me. But I'm not a huge fantasy fan either.

CindyLou Foster said...

I'm not wowed, but I would read on.

Anonymous said...

I like it. Talking with the wind appeals to me. It's a soft-feeling sentence, but I like it. Evocative.

Sophia said...

Not hooked.

Sara J. Henry said...

Hooked.

Lia Mack said...

I like this opening. Not horribly strong, but I get a sense of what's happening and that the wind is speaking to the MC.

Ash. Elizabeth said...

i like the writing style enough to keep reading.

falconesse said...

Hooked for at least a few more sentences. I like the tone so far.

I Like Bubbles said...

Lightly hooked.

David Ferretti III said...

I like the title and the first sentence. Given the genre,I am hooked. My only comment is to combine the two sentences. Something like “Someone approaches, the winds tell me—it’s a rider.” I connected with the protagonist and learned she has communication with the wind. I would read more.

Dave said...

The first thing I thought was "It sounds like a Haiku". But that is is irrelevant. It must be somebody important if the wind tells you about it. I would read on.

Annie McElfresh said...

I'd give it a few more paragraphs because I love YA :)

StrugglingToMakeIt said...

Great writing, but I'm not sure I learn enough to be hooked.

Selestial said...

Not hooked. It's too vague and disjointed for me.

Cheryl S said...

I didn't like the first sentence. It seemed awkward and jerky.