Thursday, March 25, 2010

87 YA Fantasy

TITLE: SIGN OF THE STAR
GENRE: YA Fantasy


Someone approaches, the winds tell me. A rider.

37 comments:

  1. The rhythm of these few words grounds me in the genre you are writing in, but I want more. How does the wind tell you? How do you know it's a rider and not a bear? Is the wind communicating with the narrator explicitly or is it smells etc. that are signaling it? Maybe if there were a bit more to the post I could have a better response.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Perhaps more words could have been added to this to give either a stronger sense of urgency, or a more vivid picture.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm not hooked. I don't think there's enough information to make me care yet.

    ReplyDelete
  4. So few words, and yet I like the writing.

    Hooked.

    ReplyDelete
  5. On the fence with this one, and I'm not entirely sure why. I'd probably give the book another sentence or two, but I don't have any particular reaction based on what's here.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Not hooked -- seems to be trying too hard.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The style hooked me.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm hooked--you got me. Wind talking to MC. Nice.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think I'm more hooked on the idea of what this is about, than the actual sentences themselves. That said, I'd read on, because I like the idea of the wind talking to the narrator and it feels like we're about to be plunged into some tension if not outright action.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'd read on to find out more.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sorry, not hooked. It feels a little forced

    ReplyDelete
  12. Partly hooked. Can't help but feel it needs a little something more.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I like the writing, I'd read more

    ReplyDelete
  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Interesting. I'd give ita few more paras.

    ReplyDelete
  16. i like the first sentence. it's restrained but still evokes a mood. i'd read on.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hooked. I love how the wind speaks here.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hooked. The writer's voice comes across clearly with this, and I want to keep reading.

    ReplyDelete
  19. It's got a lyricism that reminds me of old school fantasy, which I like. Hooked.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I like people who talk to winds, but I feel like I've read this before. I'd keep reading to see if it gets less common.

    ReplyDelete
  21. It read awkward for me. But I'm not a huge fantasy fan either.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm not wowed, but I would read on.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I like it. Talking with the wind appeals to me. It's a soft-feeling sentence, but I like it. Evocative.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I like this opening. Not horribly strong, but I get a sense of what's happening and that the wind is speaking to the MC.

    ReplyDelete
  25. i like the writing style enough to keep reading.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hooked for at least a few more sentences. I like the tone so far.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I like the title and the first sentence. Given the genre,I am hooked. My only comment is to combine the two sentences. Something like “Someone approaches, the winds tell me—it’s a rider.” I connected with the protagonist and learned she has communication with the wind. I would read more.

    ReplyDelete
  28. The first thing I thought was "It sounds like a Haiku". But that is is irrelevant. It must be somebody important if the wind tells you about it. I would read on.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I'd give it a few more paragraphs because I love YA :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Great writing, but I'm not sure I learn enough to be hooked.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Not hooked. It's too vague and disjointed for me.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I didn't like the first sentence. It seemed awkward and jerky.

    ReplyDelete