TITLE: REVENGE OF THE PINK GRANNY PANTIES
GENRE: MG Contemporary
I walked into math class and scoped out the sub.
Easy prey. What little life this guy had was about to get a whole lot worse.
Mrs. Billet, our math teacher, had finally had her kid and was home changing diapers for a month. We were on our second sub of the week, and Foster F. Finkman made it his job to upset subs. I was his partner in crime.
Mr. Thompson was the victim of a bad brown toupee. It reminded me of Grunt, my guinea pig. This teacher wannabe was somewhere between thirty and fifty, wore braces and smelled like he had roadkill in his grill. I'd had him as a sub since kindergarten, and he hadn't changed a bit. Except for the braces.
Toupee Thompson knew all of us at Harly Middle School by name. It isn't a big school, since Harly, Oklahoma isn't a big town. Okies say you can stand at one end of it and spit to the other. So when he noticed Finkman was new, the sub flashed a silvery smile and squeaked, "What's your name, young man?"
Finkman stood and squeaked back, "Foster Florentine Finkman. And I hope you don't mind me asking, but is that your real hair?"
The class went crazy. Thompson turned pink and started to stutter. He had this foamy spit at the corners of his mouth. "F-F-Finkman? What kind of s-s-stupid m-m-made up name is that?"