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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Drop the Needle: HIGH EMOTION #16

TITLE: Pro Bono
GENRE: Mystery

The protagonist, Quindley, is short-listed for a major network promotion. She has flown to Atlanta for her big interview, but not with this guy.

“You look better than your mug shot,” the guy said, holding back a burp.

“Excuse me?” I said.

“Eight-by-ten glossies. You know, head shots. Promo pics.” He waved his arm around the room pointing at poster-sized photos of the network's top journalists and their cavalcade of synthetic talent--the entertainment celebrities. The guy looked exactly like his picture--a genuine low life man-about-town.

“I call them glamour shots.”

“Chick-speak.” He chugged the last gulp of Gatorade. “You've got to know you're hot. Am I right? I'm always right.”

“How nice for you. Why are you here, exactly? Did you escape the tour group?”

“Mind if I touch your hair. I'm a hair guy.” He made a mock pucker.

“Really?”

“This is part of your call-back interview, baby.”

“Then I'm out of here.” I scooped my purse.

“Oh, you're sh*****' me. Sit down. Oops, excuse my French. You don't mind a little swearing do you?”

He couldn't know I prided myself on an extensive and versatile curse word vocabulary. But this knot-head was exhausting my patience. If he was KNE's idea of a call-back, I'd made a huge mistake bugging out on my work at Eagle 7.

I said, “In my experience, men with a limited vocabulary have other short-comings, as well.”

“Don't go getting all pageant queen on me. Come over and give daddy a little--”

I slammed both hands on the table. “Okay, Jack--"”

“Wynn. As in winner.”

“Look, Winnie. I don't know what your game is. Tell your boss I failed the test.”

“That was just the practical. You still have to pass an oral exam.”

8 comments:

  1. While I love, love, love your MC and your voice in this excerpt, I don't know if this is really showcasing "high emotion." Yes, I can feel her irritation and frustration; however, there's nothing exceedingly strong about the emotions here. But that may have been what you were going for.

    Anyway, like I said, your MC and your voice were what really gripped me. I'd read more if I had more to read!

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  2. I agree - this wasn't a high emotion scene. However, it was extreemly well written and interesting. I think you got the sense of irritation across well, which I think was what you were going for. I'd read on if I could.

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  3. I like it! Smart, fast dialog, doesn't need a lot of attributes - nice pace.

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  4. Seriously? I loved the last line. Hilarious.

    Great dialog. I can hear it unfold in my head. Yeah, maybe it's not uber High Emotion, but who cares? I loved it.

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  5. I enjoyed the scene, but I think if you were going for high emotion, she would have let loose with a string of her well-cultivated curse vocabulary.

    The one thing I had a problem with was the believability of the beginning. The guy is such an obvious jerk, he would never had held in that burp. Nor would he have excused himself afterward.

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  6. Hmm...don't get mystery from the voice so much...seems like she should be focused more on something mysterious. Maybe this is pre-crime?
    Anyways, fun piece. Curious what her head shot looked like. I wanted a few more visual cues in there, let me see the scene.
    Agree with the other poster...let him burp!

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  7. I thought the characterization was spot on. I could se these two people clearly. And while the emotion isn't high and is only one-sided, I did feel her anger and disbelief of the situation. Nicely done!

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  8. I agree with the others. I really loved the voice. Excellent dialog. Not a lot of high emotion, but still a great passage.

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