Wednesday, August 8, 2012

August First Line Grabber #18

TITLE: Divisions
GENRE: Women's Fiction

Lang knew better than to smile about the letters.

78 comments:

  1. Yes. Conflict and intrigue. What's up w/ the letters and what's the danger in smiling?

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  2. Yes: short, sweet and you want to know what happens next.

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  3. Yes. It's short but reveals so much -- that there's someone else there who could infer something if Lang smiled, that the letters are important to Lang, and that Lang is sly enough to conceal her emotions.

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  4. Yes. I want to find out what's in the letters.

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  5. Yes. I will admit the name Lang kind of threw me, but I'm wondering now about the letters and what's wrong with them.

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  7. Yes. I like the subtle threat in this really short sentence.

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  8. Yes. Very mysterious. I want to know what was in the letters.

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  9. Yes. Now I want to know why he/she knew better?

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  10. Yes. I'm curious about what these letters are, and why Lang knew better than to smile at them.

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  11. Yes. GREAT. Restrained, authoritative, confident writing.

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  12. Yes. I have to keep reading to at least find out what the letters are.

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  13. No. Not interesting.

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  14. No. I have no idea what the letters are so I'm confused immediately.

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  15. yes: subtl tension

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  16. Yes.

    But I'd like to know what "the letters" are, and fast.

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  17. Yes. Love the simplicity, but how you still grab us, give us a hint of what the character's like, and introduce some intrigue with the letters.

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  18. Yes. I'm definitely interested in why he shouldn't smile, why he knows he shouldn't smile and what is up with the letters. Nice!!

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  19. No. Not enough information to engage me.

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  20. Yes. I would immediately read on to find out more. I'm glad you didn't cram too much in here; it's perfectly concise.

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  21. NO, sorry, just doesn't intrigue me.

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  22. Yes. All sorts of possibilities.

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  23. No. It would have been yes if you'd have stopped at smile.

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  24. No. BUT the idea is intriguing. It's tell though. I think if you show her fighting her smile it might have worked a little better.

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  25. Yes, but a weak yes as I think you could be more specific about the letters.

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  26. No. The ambiguous nature of 'letters' (whether they were the kind you mail, or the alphabet, or whatever) provoked more confusion in me than curiosity.

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  27. No, I am confused about the letters. Maybe an adjective would make it that much stronger.

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  28. Yes. It stands you on the edge of the cliff poised to jump.

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  29. Yes. I want to read the next few sentences to find out why.

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  31. Yes. I want to know why he/she knew better.

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  32. No. On the fence with this one - because I want to know what letters Lang is smiling about - but on the other hand, I wish there was one more adjective.

    love letters.
    acceptance letters.

    I'm not sure if you could still keep it short and sweet and add one more clarifying adjective.

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  33. Yes. Heck yes. I already feel sorry for Lang. Ready for more.

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  34. No
    Though if there was something to specify what these letters are (notes? the alphabet?)it would be a yes. I'm sure you probably address it in the second sentence, but try adding it in the first so we're not left confused.

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  35. Yes. I love a good snappy line and I want to know about the letters.

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  36. No. I didn't know if Lang was looking at letters, like love letters, or individual letters like the alphabetic kind to make words on the frig. It might help a lot, and set the story up better, if you put in the kinds of letters: Love letters, letters of dismissal, death announcements, mother's letters, etc.

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  37. No. The letters? Do you mean correspondence or actual letters? "S-O-S" "L-O-L"?

    I'll assume the former, which totally confuses me. The sentence doesn't hook me. I think I'd me more intrigued if you just wrote, "Lang knew better than to smile." Then I would be curious to know why - without the confusion of the letters!

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  38. No - but could easily be turned into a yes if I had a hint about what the letters are (at first I thought the alphabet, then were they epistles,...???)

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  39. No. This does not intrigue me. You might get me with the rest of the paragraph, but not yet.

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  40. No.
    I need just a bit of context before I can care enough to be hooked by this sentence.

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  41. No. Not enough info. Letters. Meh.

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  42. No. Not enough information. Letters of the alphabet? Letters of correspondence?

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  43. No. Not enough here to pull me forward.

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  44. Yes. It's simple with enough mystery that I want to read on.

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  45. Yes. Though I agree that giving one more word to identify the type of letters would really help, this is just over the line into "intriguing" for me. It poses a ton of questions for such a short sentence: What letters, why can't Lang smile about them, who is it that says Lang can't smile, what will happen if Lang DOES smile, etc.

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  46. Yes. I instantly connect with a character who smiles inappropriately.

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  47. No. I agree with the above comment that stopping at 'smile' would be stronger for me, because that sounds stronger and more mysterious. I just stop caring when it's letters she's smiling about--unless you can show me that they're really interesting letters.

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  48. No. The letters part threw me because I don't know what kind of letters he means.

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  49. Yes. I'm confused, but I'd definitely stick around for a few more sentences to find out what the letters are and why she shouldn't smile.

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  50. Yes. Suggests conflict in a few words.

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  51. Yes. Who is this Lang person who smiles when he shouldn't? And what are the letters?

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  52. No. I'm not sure what letters, and it doesn't really tell me if she knows better because she's being sneaky, or because she'd be in trouble.

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  53. No. Insufficient information. Love letters? Blackmail? Who is Lang hiding the smile from?

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  54. No. Nothing for me to latch onto and I'm not sure if they are talking about a letter (received in the post) or a selection of individual letters that are laid out somewhere i.e. B, D F T F

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  55. Yes. Intrigued about the letters and who Lang might be

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  56. Yes. I'm interested to find out what the letters are and why Lang is being cautious.

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  57. Yes.

    I liked that it named the character up front, and I have a sort of half scene imagined already. I'm intrigued by why the letters make him want to smile and why he knows smiling would be inappropriate. It'd be stronger if I knew what kind of letters these were.

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  58. Yes. I'm intrigued enough to keep reading. I like the alliterative flow of Lang and letters.

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  59. Yes. Intrigue and mystery right off the bat.

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  60. Yes. Short, but I like the hint of voice and conflict. Nicely done

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  61. Yes. I'm intrigued enough to keep reading.

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  62. No, not enough as a stand alone sentence. It may be that in combination with the next few sentences it turns out to grab, though.

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