Thursday, June 27, 2013

First Sentence #46

TITLE: 27 DAISIES
GENRE: YA CONTEMPORARY

Happiness is so many things.

55 comments:

  1. No.

    Boring. You need something interesting, and a little off to draw a reader in.

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  2. No. Sorry, but it's not much to go on, but that doesn't mean the entire first page isn't wonderful. Just can't tell anything from the first sentence.

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  3. No, sorry, I agree with Lanette, not much to go on and you just can't tell anything from the first sentence.

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  4. Yes. It truely will rely on the sentence following it so it could easily go either way but it made me grin a bit as I read it so yes you tugged me in.

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  5. No.
    It doesn't really tell us anything. Kind of random musing.

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  6. I would read on, but I agree with Sumbee, that the next sentence would make or break it.

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  7. No: too vague and no conflict.

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  8. Yes. It's short, it's punchy, and combined with the title and genre, it piqued my interest. I don't think every first line has to be over-the-top. As long as it works well with the rest of the paragraph, I'd definitely read on.

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  9. No. Telling. Cliche. But, I'm sure the second line gives the reader a twist. These first liners are killers!

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  10. Yes. I liked it and I'd rad on to see what happiness constitutes for the main character.

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  11. No, but that could change depending on what follows it up. It could be a great set-up for a reversal such as "Happiness is many things. My wedding is not one of them." However, judging by the line in isolation, which we have to, it seemed a little too generic.

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  12. No. It didn't give me anything about the story.

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  13. No, this isn't grabbing, lacks tension and it feels kind of like a cliché. I would keep reading, but if you want a strong hook, this isn't it.

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  14. No. It's a nice thought, but too generic a concept to hook me into a story.

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  15. Yes, IF your 2nd line is powerful enough. Otherwise, no.

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  16. Yes, because the next few sentences could go in so many different directions from there, but you'd need to really hook me with the next two or three.

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  17. No. Has great potential but leaves me hanging.

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  18. Yes. I know what happiness is, but this makes me want to see what the MC thinks it is.

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  19. Yes. I know what happiness is, but this makes me want to see what the MC thinks it is.

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  20. Yes. It reminds me of the opening line of Anna Karenina: "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." But it does need a more specific second line with punch for me to follow it up.

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  21. No, it's too generic. We don't have a feel of the MC.

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  22. No.

    There's not enough there. Perhaps seeing the next sentence would help.

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  23. Yes.

    I'd at least read the rest of the page before I made a decision on the rest of the book. It's a lovely, soft opening that fits the title very well. Daisies and happiness? We definitely need more of that in YA.

    Of course, the second and third sentences could totally ruin it for me. ;)

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  24. No. I think this is too vague to catch my attention.

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  25. Yes. Elegant first line. I am intrigued.

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  26. Yes. I want to know what happiness is for the speaker.

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  27. No. Unfortunately I agree that it's too generic. There isn't anything specific there that pulls me in.

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  28. Yes. Simple. Also I like your title.

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  29. No. Tells the reader nothing.

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  30. No. I like the title, and I might read more--but I would be reading more in search of a hook. The first line didn't do it.

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  31. No - I'm just not feeling anything in the first line. It's simple but I want to know a bit more about what's going on. It feels too vague.

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  32. No. No tension.

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  33. Yes! I like snappy first lines. If the description of happiness that follows is full of unique or possibly unusual things, I think this can really work. Simple works sometimes.

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  34. No. It feels to generic and vague to me. Then again, a more detailed 2nd sentence could work well with this and draw me in.

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  35. No. Far too vague, and could be used to open infinite numbers of books.

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  36. No
    Too boring and vague. Sorry.

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  37. No but I think it could work with some tweaking. More information would make the statement less generic.

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  38. No. I like the tone suggested by this opening sentence, but want to see some details to reveal character.

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  39. Yes, but barely. The second line would have to be brilliant to keep me reading.

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  40. Yes, I'd read on. I don't think the first line has to try too hard--it should just be natural.

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  41. Yes, it borders on trite but I like happiness and I'm willing to see where the next line leads.

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  42. Yes, I'd read on. That being said, the next sentence has a lot of work resting on it. This opening line doesn't give me much of anything--setting, character, voice, plot, etc.

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  43. Yes. Nothing wrong with a short catchy sentence.

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  44. Yes - I love the title and this just seems to fit so well.

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  45. No. I like simple, but this felt almost childish. I'd be open to having my mind changed with the rest of the first paragraph, but with just this much, it's a no.

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  46. Yes. There is a whiff of wistfulness in it, even though it sounds like "Love is a Many-Splendored Thing." The daisies make me think of "He loves me ... He loves me not."

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  47. Yes. There is a whiff of wistfulness to it, even though it sounds like "Love is a Many-Splendored Thing." The daisies make me think of "He loves me ... He loves me not."

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  48. No. I imagine you were just about to list some very specific "things" that make your MC happy, but maybe you could list one of them immediately - e.g. "Happiness is wearing Zack's faded football jersey to bed" - to set the tone.

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  49. No--There's nothing here that give a clue to what's to come.

    What is the inciting incident that starts your story rolling? Start with that.

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  50. No. I would have to concur with the consensus here. There is nothing to draw the reader in, to make the reader want to find out more. I kept hearing in my head a more seductive sentence, like, "Most people look for happiness in money, fame, good friends but, for XXX, happiness is (some ironically UN-happy kind of image here)."

    Bad example but try to think of that opening line as part and parcel of your pitch. (Which it is.) What kind of feeling would you be giving an agent or publisher with a relatively bland line like, "Happiness is many things"? After you wake up your target what will he or she say? And, remember, you only have ONE sentence to convince them!

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  51. Yes. This was one of my favourites from this contest - it has a softness and sweetness that, in combination with the title, make me expect the book is going to be a heartwarming, slightly sappy (in a good way), maybe a little emotional, story along the lines of The Odd Life Of Timothy Green.

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  52. Yes. I would at least give the second sentence a chance.

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  53. No. I'd need to read more to decide if it's for me or not.

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