Thursday, June 27, 2013

First Sentence #50

TITLE: The Saline Solution
GENRE: YA Contemporary

Sunday night was always forensic night at the Klyczek house-- popcorn, pierogies, and petechial hemorrhaging.

76 comments:

  1. Yes.

    This made me laugh and the tiny details intrigued me. They sounded like the mixed up things that go on side by side in a real family home.

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  2. Yes. I'd read more. I like the humor.


    Violet - #29

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  3. Yes. Such a strange mix-up that I want to know more.

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  4. Yes - clever, funny, intriguing.

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  5. Yes, although popcorn and pierogies are a food combo...

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  6. Yes. It's quirky, with specific details that make me really intrigued to get to know this Klyczek family (even their last name is quirky, haha).

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  7. No. Although I like the intention - quirky phrasing, amusing alliteration - I stumble over the progression from the simple "popcorn" to the complicated "petechial" and it breaks up the rhythm of the sentence.

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  8. No, because I had to google at least two words in the sentence and when I did, I was grossed out :(. Sorry!

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  9. It's clever and quirky but it doesn't raise any questions that would make me want to answer by reading on.

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  10. No. For me I read with a voice in my head, and it's...a mouthful.

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  11. Yes! I have no idea what pierogies or petechial are, but I believe the MC does, and that's the important thing.

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  12. No: I had to look up what the words meant.

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  13. Yes. I want to know who's been mixing it up and why it happens every Sunday night.

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  14. Yes. It sounds fun, mixing those things together. It's different enough that I definitely want to see what's coming next.
    But, I have no idea what pierogies or petechial mean, and I think it's a little off putting to find things I can't pronounce in just the first sentence.

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  15. Yes. It has a lot of humor and charm to it. I do know what pierogies are, so perhaps that helped.

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  16. No. I thought it was clever, but clearly not my kind of book. I'd put it back on the shelf.

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  17. Yes. I usually don't like to read with a dictionary in hand, but this worked for me.

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  18. Yes, although I was expecting the genre to read mystery rather than YA contemporary. It's fun with great voice.

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  19. Yes. Sounds fun, but found the jump from a slightly difficult-to-pronounce last name to "popcorn" to two other difficult-to -pronounce terms a bit much. Must admit I'm intrigued.

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  20. Yes. I'm interested and kind of amused. I didn't understand all of the words but my brain just went SCIENCE! and that's enough to keep me going for at least two pages.

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  21. YES!
    Great humor and I love the quirkiness. Very intriguing.

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  22. Yes. Definitely. Nice solid hook with great supporting imagery. I want to read on.

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  23. No. It has a cleverness to it but it doesn't really flow for me.

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  24. Intriguing. The end of the sentence piqued my interest!

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  25. No. I really liked where it was going but stumbled over the p-words too much. Wanted more flow.

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  26. Interesting beginning! I like the cadence of the alliteration, and the scientific term is intriguing. My only complaint is I'd like to see an em dash instead of two en dashes and a space.

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  27. No (sorry!)

    Maybe I shouldn't admit this, but I had to google "petechial" and it took me out of the story.

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  28. No. Starting out with words I have to look up (petechial) is not a way to get me to want to read further. It also doesn't sound contemporary.

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  29. Yes- because it made me laugh and I can't wait to hear what "petechial hemorrhaging" is!

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  30. Maybe (is that cheating?) I like the alliteration and the cleverness, but I got hung up on Petechial and that sort of stops me.

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  31. No.

    It's clever and well written but the voice feels kind of middle grade to me.

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  32. Yes. Cute title, setting, tone, alliteration. It all worked for me.
    Maybe toy with 'Sunday nights are ...' (?)

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  33. No. I want to like it, I think I'm supposed to laugh, but the alliteration is overwhelming, and I have no idea what petechial hemorrhaging is. Sorry.

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  34. Yes. I love the voice. I did wonder about the POV, but it didn't stop me. I also wonder if it should be "hemorrhages" as opposed to hemorrhaging" - but maybe that's just me. I'd totally read on, though.

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  35. No, but it's more of a taste thing--just doesn't sound like a book I'd personally be interested in.

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  36. No. Any time a story opens with words I have to Google, I don't go further.

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  37. Yes. Made me laugh and was different. Ithink it's okay that we don't know what the last thing is. That's the hook, isn't it?

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  38. Yes. I've been slammed for using alliteration AND for using unfamiliar/uncommon phrases--but I thought it was funny and intriguing.

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  39. Yes--I tripped up a little on the tech words, but I think it works since it's probably intentional to create a vibe. Funny, clever. I think a good first line is worth reading a second time to get it.

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  40. No. Clever, but makes me stumble.

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  41. Yes. That list makes me laugh. I also think this will be an interesting family to read about. Although it's a bit hard to read a difficult last name and a difficult medical term in the same sentence.

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  42. Yes! All day long, yes. This is fabulous - I get humor, family ethnicity and voice all in one sentence. Bravo!

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  43. No- the voice sounded young, yet I had to Google 'petechial."

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  44. Yes. Normally I wouldn't read anything involving squick, but this sounds lighthearted enough for me to be interested.

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  45. NO
    Sorry, I wasn't sure what half the words meant or how they were pronounced.

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  46. Yes. There's a confidence to the writing that's attractive - even if I didn't know all the words. :-)

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  47. No. If I had to look up pierogies and petechial to understand the sentence, I imagine most YA readers would have to as well. Even after looking them up, I'm not hooked.

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  48. Hmm, almost cause I'm not looking up petechial in an opening line.

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  49. Yes -- witty, intriguing, and funny!

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  50. Yes. Humorous voice. Love the sequence from normal to weird to really weird.

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  51. Yes_ Because I want to read the next sentence,duh.

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  52. Yes. It sounds funny and leaves me wanting to read on.

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  53. NO - the first half had me, but then I had to google some of the second half. A book that starts out with words I don't know breaks my flow.

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  54. Yes. Definitely. The goal of your first sentence is to get me to read the second, and I don't have to know what petechial means to know this family's investigating blood evidence over popcorn and ethnic food on a Sunday night. Not your average family activity. Intriguing.

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  55. Yes. Simply because that strikes me as an unusual family I'd like to get to know better.

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  56. A regretful No. Love the humor, but not the word choice. Very close call for me.

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  57. Yes, definitely. This made me literally laugh out loud, and I almost never do that. The humor confirmed my impression that the title was meant as a joke, which is good. And maybe it's just a matter of finding the right audience because I think people who watch the kinds of shows you're talking about know what petechial hemorrhaging is.

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  58. Yes. I want to know more about this family.

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  59. I forgot to add to my yes up there that the pierogies were also part of why I would keep reading, as this type of food generally says something about the family's ethnicity, and I generally find pierogie-eating families interesting!

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  60. No. Too many big words. Like the humor though.

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  61. Yes--Definitely intriguing. It's not just a teaser line. There's pertinent info there that makes me want to be a fly on the wall in this house.

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  62. Yes...and NO! I like the quirkiness of the line but I think, as an opener, it would do better - and be stronger - to just leave it with the, "Sunday night was always forensic night at the Klyczek house", and not try to dress it up or make it 'more interesting' or give it more 'definition'. Let the intrigue of the opening line stand on its own leading the reader to wonder about 'forensics at the Klyczek house???'
    And, btw, forensics is not limited to dead bodies, blood, and bullets, etc.

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  63. Yes. I loved being exposed to a new word (petechial).

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  64. Yes! Sounds Luke fun, although I don't think I'd join. Blood's gross

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