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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Logline Critique Round Three #7

TITLE: Attie and the Monster Book
GENRE: MG magical realism

After twelve-year-old Attie Cohen receives a book about monsters from a mysterious family counselor, her siblings suddenly start morphing into deadly, supernatural beasts. The trouble is they morph when their emotions flare, and with their parents' divorce approaching, emotions are constantly on high alert. Attie must do her best to stay alive, keep her siblings human, and get back to that family counselor for some answers before she gets into BIG trouble.

8 comments:

  1. I like this. Sounds like a fun read.

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  2. It seems to me that having siblings turn into deadly beasts might be a little dark for middle grade.
    Interesting premise and original.

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  3. Forgot to say I like your logline. It tells me everything I need to know. You might be able to tighten it up a bit but it definitely caught my interest.

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  4. I like it. Cute. Good luck.

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  5. I like this a lot, but I think a little tightening would make it even better. Does the family counselor have to be mysterious? I think you could leave out the second sentence and I wouldn't miss it.

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  6. I'm hooked. Your stakes are clear, and I want to know how Attie handles everything.

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  7. This is better than I did. You could still tighten it a bit, but otherwise, good job!

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  8. The stakes here are way too vague. What does BIG trouble mean? Also, it takes too long to get to her goal and I think you need to position the conflict as working against the goal and not as sub-goals. The goal is what she wants in the end; it's not what she needs to do to get it ( that's the conflict).

    Good luck ,
    Holly

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