Wednesday, April 9, 2014

First Line Grabber #10

TITLE: Twice a Ghost
GENRE: YA fantasy

Mother said they move within the walls.



50 comments:

  1. Yes. The line has a great creepy feel to it.

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  2. Yes. manages to convey a lot of mood in one short sentence.

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  3. Yes! Love the voice here and want to know what's going on!

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  4. Yes. Because, given the genre, I'm curious exactly who or what they are.

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  5. Yes! ohhhh, this one sounds good and spooky. For some reason the word mother always sounds creepy to me and I want to know what's moving around in there

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  6. Yes. So creepy. I'd definitely read on to find out who "they" are.

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  7. Yes. It's a creepy line. As an aside: there are a lot of ghost stories, so make sure yours stands out in some way.

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  8. Yes.

    I mean, things moving in the walls? Yeah, i want more of that.

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  9. Yes! It raises just the right questions.

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  10. Yes. Creepy. And simple. Nice punch.

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  11. Yes. It sets a tone. Also, I love the title.

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  12. Yes. Creepy but intriguing at the same time. I like that the family is wondering about those ghosts. I can see a lot of tension coming up from this.

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  13. YES! Already creeped out and wanting to hear more

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  14. Yes, I want to know more. Who is moving within the walls and why? How does Mother know this? Plus, it makes me want to look over my shoulder to make sure nothing is behind me.

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  15. Yes, I can hear swishing. AND I love a good ghost story.

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  16. Yes-Creeping and intriguing.

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  17. Yes
    -creepy and I want to read more. Love how it sets the tone in a few words.

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  18. Yes.
    This is a confidential telling, narrator to reader, and I'm willing to listen.

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  19. Yes - I love the gothicy, horror feel. Definitely something creepy is bound to happen.

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  20. Yes. Cool! Instant in-a-creepy-story feeling. However, the next few sentences could easily break that feeling, since it's much easier to be disappointed if you start on such a high note. I.e., *very* grabby first line, but I'm still curious if it's the *right* first line.

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  21. Yes, but you might give a hint more about the 'they'. I want to read on.

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  22. Yes- great creep factor.

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  23. Yes.
    I like the voice and creepy feel, but be careful. We could as easily be talking about squirrels.

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  24. Yes. Creepy and cool. Unless you're talking about squirrels, then not so much.

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  25. Absolutely yes!
    I won't be sleeping tonight - for fear and curiosity.

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  26. Yes. Ooooh, so many questions raised. Who or what moves? Why? What to do about it. Creepy!

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  27. Makes me want to keep reading -- which is the goal.

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  28. Draws you in, I want to know what or whom is moving within the walls!!

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  29. YES. Very creepy and draws you into the story. MUST know what's in the walls!

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  30. Yes! I got chills! Raises all sorts of questions in the reader's mind.

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  31. Yes. With a title and opener like that, I am expecting good, creepy things.

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  32. Yes. Creepy! The italics made me wonder if the narrator or mother are ghosts (too).

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  33. Yes. I'd read on to find out what "they" are.

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  34. Yes - Plenty of interest, voice and characterization in such a short sentence.

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  35. Yes. I like the creepy feel paired with formality of Mother.

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  36. Yes. Great way to start a ghost story. I'm creeped out already.

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  37. Yes!

    It's simple and direct, and a nice example of less is more. You've created mood, mystery and suspense and, for me, voice. I can hear her saying this (or even thinking it) in a whisper.

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  38. Yes. The simple yet evocative statement works well, and it definitely sets the right tone for a ghost story.

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  39. Yes. because in one line my skin is already crawling!

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  40. Yes. Creep factor set up nicely. I'm ready to get my flashlight and hide under the blankets.

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  41. Yes. very much yes. Tight writing, voice, sense of mood/atmosphere... awesome.

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  42. Yes! Lots of spookiness in few words. Nicely done!

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  43. Yes. But I'm not as creeped out as everyone else seems to be. Having things move inside walls has been done - a lot. "Within" sounds awkward. I like the title

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