Pages

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Grab My Heart #21

TITLE: Violet Ray and The Magnetic Pole Reversal
GENRE: MG Science Fiction

When a cosmic event crashes the Earth’s power grid, a young scientist and humanoid cat must stop invaders from destroying their island to control the world’s energy.


Violet woke with a snort. She sat up and looked at her hands. The same. She pulled up her sleeves. Her arms had the same orange freckles and dark brown skin.  Maybe…she took a quick peek under her shirt. Not yet.

Jumping out of the large clamshell bed, she ran into her dressing room. She threw off a dirty lab coat hung on the mirror and looked intently. She bared her teeth and stared with big, green eyes at her freckled face and unruly purple hair. Tying her hair on top of her head, she turned away. Nothing has changed!

Disappointed, she grabbed the closest lab coat on the floor and slipped into sneakers. Putting her pants over the shoes proved cumbersome. When she stopped to take off the shoes first, she thought, There’s still the whole day! Maybe something will happen when her mother was there. She liked to observe everything “to experience the science.” Violet was used to being examined every minute of the day.

Bounding down the DNA spiral stairs, she spotted her mother’s black-haired topknot in the lab and ran over to her.

“Good morning!” Violet said cheerfully, scanning the dozens of beakers on the silver lab table. She picked up a beaker with shimmery ooze moving slowly around inside. “This is almost ready.”
Her mother, wearing a crisp, white lab coat looked over Violet’s crumpled lab coat with a wild print of amoebas before she took the beaker. “No working today. I have a surprise.”




5 comments:

  1. Cool sounding pitch! I can't help but think the humanoid cat would be rather prickly, too, lol! As for your story, you should never start with someone just waking up. This is a big pet peeve of agents, so beware. There's also no need to tell everything your character does. Maybe start with her making a face at her appearance since it's unique? Then go to her interaction with her mother to set up the conflict. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love the pitch. I felt like you can cut quite a bit and make it more active...also you used "she" a lot. I like the hint of humor!
    Screen name-Shelley

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm torn regarding the opening. Susan's right that opening with a waking character is widely warned against. At the same time, it seems like sleeping was part of a specific experiment relevant to the plot, so starting with the character waking up might be the right choice despite the usual guidelines.

    Otherwise, the opening introduces an interesting character with her scientific mindset, which seems in vogue in MG of late.

    ReplyDelete
  4. How well are you prepared for a cyber incident or breach? Is your data safe?.
    Strengthen your cybersecurity stance by contacting CLASSIC CYBER NOTCH @ GMAIL DOT COM for a Perfect, Unique, Classic and Professional Job in securing your Network against Breaches of All Sort and also we do virtually All kind of Cyber Jobs, be it Cyber Security or Hijacking without trace and with utmost Professionalism and Confidentiality.

    We offer services such as :
    Private investigators service
    Phone /Computer hack
    Clearing criminal record
    Binary options recovery
    Bit coin mining
    Increase Credit score
    Issue Blank ATM
    Spyware installation
    Social media platform hack
    E-mail hack
    and many more....
    Our Success Rate is Top Notch

    Contact us today @
    Classic cyber notch @ gmail dot com
    to get the Best professional hands involved in putting a smile on your face.

    Signed
    Collins .A

    ReplyDelete
  5. INSTEAD OF GETTING A LOAN,, I GOT SOMETHING NEW
    Get $5,500 USD every day, for six months!

    See how it works
    Do you know you can hack into any ATM machine with a hacked ATM card??
    Make up you mind before applying, straight deal...

    Order for a blank ATM card now and get millions within a week!: contact us
    via email address::{Automatictellers@gmail.com}

    We have specially programmed ATM cards that can be use to hack ATM
    machines, the ATM cards can be used to withdraw at the ATM or swipe, at
    stores and POS. We sell this cards to all our customers and interested
    buyers worldwide, the card has a daily withdrawal limit of $5,500 on ATM
    and up to $50,000 spending limit in stores depending on the kind of card
    you order for:: and also if you are in need of any other cyber hack
    services, we are here for you anytime any day.

    Here is our price lists for the ATM CARDS:

    Cards that withdraw $5,500 per day costs $200 USD
    Cards that withdraw $10,000 per day costs $850 USD
    Cards that withdraw $35,000 per day costs $2,200 USD
    Cards that withdraw $50,000 per day costs $5,500 USD
    Cards that withdraw $100,000 per day costs $8,500 USD

    make up your mind before applying, straight deal!!!

    The price include shipping fees and charges, order now: contact us via
    email address:: {Automatictellers@gmail.com}

    Visit our Website for more Info: automatictellers.wordpress.com
    ®

    ReplyDelete