Thursday, May 2, 2019

First 100 #18

TITLE: Standing Too Close
GENRE: YA Contemporary

The bell rings as I’m emptying my locker. After so many years, I’m conditioned, and I jump, ready to slam the door closed and run to class.  Second period is bio and the lab’s upstairs in the school’s new wing.  I have to hurry if I’m not going to be late.

But I don’t hurry.  Because I don’t need to worry about being late to bio or to French or English or any of my other classes anymore.  As of ten minutes ago, I’m no longer a student of Milton High School.

7 comments:

  1. Nice twist, but it almost feels as if that's the end of the story, because this reads more as an anecdote than the start of a novel. It's also oddly distanced, because you're so in the character's head that he/she (and we) do not see other students scurrying. That's the contrast I think is missing here: other students do all this rushing, and she/he is moving at a different pace, with a different intention.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't think this makes sense. Why would she jump and think about needing to hurry when she clearly knows she doesn't have to (and says so a second later)? She can't lie inside her head. Either she knows she's not in a hurry or she doesn't. Yes, she might flinch at the sound of the bell but she wouldn't then think about hurrying, not unless she has forgotten that she isn't a student anymore.

    Holly

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I would delete the last two sentences of the first paragraph. And tell us other students whiz by to make it to class. Then tell us why she's not in a hurry.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I agree with Holly. I thought it was strange that she was about to go to class, when she knew very well she didn't know anymore. I don't believe that she would really think she had to hurry to class. Otherwise, I like your hook of not going to the school anymore. I want to know why.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Is this supposed to be an unreliable narrator? It's reading a bit like that, even if you didn't intend it t that way. This does raise some questions - why does the MC need to hurry? Teens don't usually say the whole name of their school.

    ReplyDelete
  7. My husband left me last year after 25 years of marriage (he turned 50). It has been the most difficult year of my life, but full of lessons about myself and what life and marriage are all about. I am passionate about marriage and i didn't give up on my husband. resides in USA, I entered online in search of advice on how i can amend my marriage while i was at work. I saw so many positive reviews and nice feed back about how a Doctor called Robinson.buckler@yahoo.com has been wonderful with his work. I gave a shot to make contact with him via his Email and he assured me that my marriage will be peaceful and i believed in his words. 16 hours after he finished work, my husband came back home pleading and now, we are living peacefully again. Get in contact with him if you need any help.

    ReplyDelete