Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Pitch for the Win #13 - YA Fantasy

TITLE: THE SHATTERED GODS
GENRE: YA Fantasy

For the first time in years, seventeen-year-old Saekina has friends. If she wants to keep them, the girl she’s falling for, and herself alive, she must do the impossible: unlock memories from her past life in order to go toe-to-toe with a goddess.

5 comments:

  1. This is really pretty darn strong. It's also short and could use a little world building. Since we're dealing with past life memories, can you touch on how she knows she has them and why it's impossible to access them? You can always trim this more by just saying, "Finally, seventeen-year-old Saekina..."

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  2. I think you need to expand this, especially since it's fantasy. Is Saekina keeping her friends the ultimate goal? How does going toe-to-toe with a goddess impact this? It would be good if could tie the first part with the second part.

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  3. Is the first line necessary? I'd cut it. Her age and name are definitely relevant but that is all. I'd change it up something like "If sixteen-year-old Saekina..." The second sentence is not clear. The flow is off and the reader/agent is more likely to put the story down rather than try and figure out what you are trying to state here. Make this sentence make sense because it seems integral to the story. I like the part about "going toe-to-toe with a goddess" If the book is written in this tone than that is great, in my humble opinion, for YA... but make it all make sense. Right now, nothing is connecting. I wish you every success with this.

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  4. This is a great premise! What changed for her to now have friends? Why is it important to keep them? How does the goddess tie in to the friends, her world, and past memories? Hint at all of these things in the pitch, and it will be even stronger than it already is. Keep up the good work.

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