Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Pitch for the Win #17 - YA Contemporary

TITLE: Aloha
GENRE: YA Contemporary

Look up the word survivor and you’ll find Honor Washington’s photo. She’s survived being raped, two counts of justifiable homicide and the indifference of her hoarding mother. But what might kill her is the dream she’s after, because in order to achieve it, she’s made her town’s worst enemy her new best friend.

6 comments:

  1. I like the first part, although I might reword to say, 'Honor Washington is the epitome of a survivor. Rape. Two Counts of justifiable homicide. Indifference ofher hoarding mother. The second part is a bit confusing and I think needs to be reworked. Why will the town's worst enemy becoming her best friend almost kill her? I think you need to be a little clearer with the stakes.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It would make me pause and ask for more!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I like this pitch a lot. And I like the wording of the first line.
    The third line says a dream she's after might kill her. Can you give us something about her dream in the pitch?
    Also, maybe rephrase the last part of the last line.....to achieve it, the town's worst enemy must become her new best friend.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This pitch certainly made me care for the Honor. Who wouldn’t want to see her get her dream. But I would like to know more about what that dream might be and what it could cost her. I don’t know what a towns worst enemy could be. A developer? A serial killer? A farmer bent on revenge? A specific word here and there would ramp this pitch to the next level. You’re so close.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Are you tired of being human, having talented brain turning to a vampire in a good posture in ten minutes, Do you want to have power and influence over others, To be charming and desirable, To have wealth, health, without delaying in a good human posture and becoming an immortal? If yes, these your chance. It's a world of vampire where life get easier,We have made so many persons vampires and have turned them rich, You will assured long life and prosperity, You shall be made to be very sensitive to mental alertness, Stronger and also very fast, You will not be restricted to walking at night only even at the very middle of broad day light you will be made to walk, This is an opportunity to have the human vampire virus to perform in a good posture. If you are interested contact us on Vampirelord7878@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. We offer financial assistance services to all individuals around the world.
    Please, contact us if you are in need:
    E-mail: info@creditfinance-bank.com
    Whatsapp number: +33784505888
    Website: https://www.creditfinance-bank.com

    ReplyDelete