Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Pitch for the Win #31 - MG Fantasy

TITLE: Hope of Glimmer
GENRE: MG Fantasy

On a quest to rekindle the sun by finding and returning the One SunDrop to the sky, Hope Gander of Glimmer is challenged to test the strength of her own power to dream and her belief in herself, her family, and her friends. Mutated creatures, dead and dying villages, a terrible IceMarsh, leaders determined to maintain their power at all costs, and the wrath of an evil entity are huge obstacles along the way.


  1. I love the idea of rekindling the sun. This in itself should warrant a story in space. However, it seems like most of the action is on the ground. I'm intrigued by the sundrop. If it is on earth, a sundrop might burn everything around so the idea brings about a lot of questions. I'm not sure the obstacles make sense, but the idea of someone looking for a sundrop is appealing and I wonder what this world looks like without a star to warm it up. Is it plunged in darkness and ice? Are dreams playing a role?

  2. Lots of details, but not really a pitch. What is the heartline that makes me care? I've too many grandchildren, Glimmer, makes me think TV series for young children. This is more a miniature plot synopsis rather than pitch.

  3. The premise is interesting, but only indicated in the first line. The rest of the pitch is two lists. Rekindling the sun is fascinating! By rearranging a bit this becomes:

    Hope Gander must return the One SunDrop to the sky to rekindle the sun before (put what happens if she doesn’t. Will the world be covered in darkness forever?) OR She must travel through dying villages filled with mutated creatures and battle a terrible IceMarsh to reach the One SunDrop before (stakes)

  4. This is an interesting pitch, but I'm not sure what the stakes are. Hope must rekindle the sun (I actually don't know what that means lol), but what will happen if she fails? You give a long list of things that will happen (dying villages, mutilated creatures, etc), and while that can be okay in small doses, for me, you give me way too much information. I'm not sure which element to focus on.

    But I'm still intrigued!

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