TITLE: The Nine Deaths of Mr. Wiggles
GENRE: YA Short Story Humor
Thane is a Grim reaper cursed to faint at the sight of blood – causing him to fail at his job. His partner, Erlik doesn’t help because his dating time with Karma only occurs when Thane faints. The three immortals chase the lives of one cat, Mr. Wiggles.
Oh, how I love this premise! But I'd like a little more clarification, if you don't mind, mainly The Why of Mr. Wiggles. The furbaby is obviously important to the story (as the title suggests), but we don't know why Mr. Wiggles and his deaths fuel the story. Give us a hint, and I hope Mr. Wiggles doesn't use all nine lives!
ReplyDeleteSet up cute. Kind of a take on Doc Martin but then I'm lost in what happens to another character?
ReplyDeleteI don't read fantasy much, but your first line was stellar. Like a toothless vampire! Poor Thane. But then I got confused. Maybe that's my lack of fantasy knowledge, but I wasn't quite sure how how the word "chase" is being referenced in the last line. Great short story idea all in all.
ReplyDeleteGreat title, great set-up, the last sentence threw me for a loop. I'm not seeing the connection. The Grim Reaper only follows the cat? Is the cat repeatedly dying a bloody death? What happens once he dies for the 9th time? Are there stakes involved in that? Otherwise, it does sound funny, and I would like to read it.
ReplyDeleteI love the premise for this! Wow. I'd read this but I think the pitch could use more punch. And the last line might be integrated better into the whole. Right now, the last line seems an after thought. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the first line, but I didn't understand what "his dating time with Karma only occurs when Thane faints" meant. Is Karma a third character? Also, this sentence, seems very formal, "occurs" is the book written this way? If not, I would write the pitch in the language of the book. Because of sentence two I'm not sure of the three characters and why they are doing what is mentioned in sentence 3.
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