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Tuesday, October 1, 2019

Hook the Editor #10

TITLE: Wish I Was Here
GENRE: YA light sci-fi mystery

When Ana’s best friend Isaac hands her an invisibility pill he made, she swallows it to avoid being kidnapped along with him. Fighting her guilt, she must rescue Isaac before he’s forced to create another pill for the highest evil bidder. If she doesn’t follow clues he left behind and find him for the antidote within a week, she’ll remain invisible forever. That could mean insanity or death.

Isaac’s street was a ghost town when I pulled up to his house after school. I used his spare key to let myself in, and the knot in my stomach tied double.

12 comments:

  1. YES. Our character has agency, the stakes are a little iffy but still specific and definite, and it sounds like a cool idea! Your sentences aren't the most gripping, and you might rethink comparing a street to a town or using the tied in knots cliche, but I'd still read on.

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  3. YES. I like where this is going. I want to hear more.

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  4. YES An invisible person trying to find a kidnapped person sounds kinda fun. Leading to insanity or death seems harsh, however.

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  5. YES
    Invisibility done well is fun and from the pitch it seems like this will be a good read. The first lines didn't really grab me or seem like anything special.

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  6. YES. I agree that the opening lines could be a little punchier, but the concept is fresh and unique.

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  7. NO
    I like the concept but neither the way the pitch was written nor the first lines got me super excited, which would make me wonder if the whole story would read the same way. I think if you could add a little more voice into the pitch, it'd be stronger. Or if you made the first lines a little more specific to your story. Either one would make the story feel uniquely yours and more engaging.

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  8. Yes. Invisible with a deadline? Edge-of-my-seat material. Can't wait to read it in print.

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  9. YES. The premise is fresh. I can't say I like it that consequences to Isaac disappear in the face of her permanent invisibility/insanity, but the query still works. The opening lines could use a suggestion of danger.

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  10. YES. Invisibility pill, kidnapped genius forced to make another pill for the bad guy, and the threat of being invisible forever? Sounds fresh and has the potential for so many twists. First lines are always tough, and sometimes it takes time to find just the right one.

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  11. YES. Invisible with a chance for insanity. I need more.

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  12. I want to say thanks to this great man called Dr. Kuku who helped me in my marriage life. my name is Sarah Hasbarger lives in USA memphise so i was married to Albert we both love and like each other before our marriage, he care about my well being so i was so happy that i have found a man like this in my life my parents love him so much because of his kindness towards me and the way he care about me after four years in my marriage, no child he was not showing me much care anymore but i notice something is going on which i no. then i keep on with the relationship and i was hoping one day God will open my way to have a child in my home then i keep on going to church from one play to another by telling all the pastors about my problems that i don't have a child so many of them promise me that soon i we have a child in my home i keep on hoping in God's miracle on till one day when i went for a visit in my friend office then i was welcome by my friend we started dis causing about so many things on marriage life i was so shock she ask me about my wedding and what is going on till now i still don't have a child then i told her my dear sister i don't no what to do anymore and am scared of loosing my husband who have be caring for me for a long time now then she said i we not loosing him i ask how? then she said there is one man called Dr. Kuku who help in a relationship then i keep on asking how about him she told me this man can do all thing and make things possible i never believe her for once that this man she is talking about can do it so fast. also i ask her how do i get his contact she said i should not worry my self then she gave me his contact email ID and his number to contact him i said ok i will try my best to do so she wish me the best of luck in life then i went home gotten home, found that my door is open i was scared thinking so many things i don't no who is in my house now i look at the key in my hand i was thinking i did not lock my door shortly a word came into my mind that i should go inside and check if there is any body at home or my husband getting inside, i found that my husband move away his things in the house then i started calling his number refuses to pick i was like a mad Dog i cried and cried don't no what to do then i remember to that a friend of mine gave me a contact today i take my computer i emailed this man called Dr. Kuku also i called him on his cell phone which i received from my friend he spoke to me very well and i was happy my husband we come back to me so after the work was well done by Dr. Kuku, just in three days i heard my phone ringing not knowing it was my husband telling me his sorry about what he did to me then i accepted him again a month later, i was pregnant for him so i rest my testimony till i deliver safely i we give the best testimony again so my sisters and brothers if you are in such pain kindly contact this great man with this email drkukuhotspelltemple@yahoo.com OR whatsapp +2348103508204

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