Monday, March 1, 2021

Are You Hooked? #12

TITLE: Wish I Was Here
GENRE: YA Contemporary

I sometimes wished I was invisible, just to make life easier. That was the ironic part.

 

Wednesday--Day 0

When the bell announced the end of fourth period, jolting me back to the present, my thoughts scattered along with the notebook and pen on my desk. Someone behind me snickered, but I was used to that. I took a moment to reorient myself to clase de espaƱol. As usual I’d been daydreaming about this one guy I know. Or used to know. Sort of. Whatever.

I sighed, collected my stuff into my bag, and filed out of the classroom with my fellow sheep. In the hallway, students gathered in clusters around their lockers, but I kept moving. Someone spotted me and said, “Hey, Ana. Where were you last period? The moon?”

Another kid slapped the first’s arm and said, “No, Uranus,” then laughed at his own joke.

When are they going to grow up?

At a hallway intersection, Isaac fell into step beside me, his sandy blond hair flopping over his green eyes. He pushed it aside, only to have it fall back again, as always. "How many?" he asked.

“Just two a minute ago. For a while I thought today would be a shut-out for you. How’d you do?”

“I think Brad was feeling nostalgic. He tried to trip me, but I hopped over his foot.”

“Nice.” I held up a hand. He slapped me a half-hearted five.

“Then Jim called me Beaker Brain.”

“I’ve always liked that one.”

16 comments:

  1. I very much like the easy going writing. It flowed nicely, but I'm not hooked. Nothing about the day or the MC stood out to me--but that said, I would still read on for a bit to see where it was headed.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The descriptions are really nice (I loved the description of Isaac's hair) and the dialogue rings true. I am a bit confused as to what's going on. I can tell the MC has some sort of physical or mental issue that her classmates notice (and that Isaac knows about) but I'm not sure how it relates to the invisibility referenced in the first sentence or whether it does at all. I'd like a little more clarity in the first 250, but I'd read on to see if I could get my questions answered.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I loved the banter between Ana and Isaac - nice way to show us they deal with this every day. I also liked the hint about the guy she used to know (which, I assume, will come into things later). I wanted though a little more about what makes Ana and Isaac different from all the other middle school kids who get picked on at school. I didn't get the invisibility reference either, so if that's significant, then you may need to make that a little more explicit. Right now, the dialogue is what would keep me reading, but I'm not hooked yet on the story as a whole. That said, the dialogue would likely keep me reading until the end of the chapter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. (Sorry, meant "high school kids," not middle school.)

      Delete
  4. I liked the opening line(s). What followed felt like the standard "kids getting bullied" set-up. The spark that caught my interest, however, was that Ana and Isaac seem to be keeping a tally. Consider pushing this aspect a bit more to make it stand out, as that gives it a unique twist (i.e., maybe they keep an actual tally in their notebook, like a contest between them; maybe there's even a prize; something like that). Nice writing overall.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ohhh. I want to know why Ana's desire to be invisible is the ironic part. I can tell there is more to this. The writing is smooth with nice detail. I would like to know why the other kids snicker at Ana for daydreaming in class. Most kids do. Maybe a hint of what makes her different.
    Ana and Isaac have what I sense is a very likable friendship. The tally is a fun ice breaker. And I get that Isaac is not the crush. Curious who is. Loved the line about Ana thinking of another guy with the "whatever." Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Great dialogue between Ana and Issac.
    The mention of “the guy” and the label day zero had me curious to read more.
    I was unsure what ‘shut-out’ meant.
    Great teen voice. Good luck querying!

    ReplyDelete
  7. The opening sentence is intriguing. Perhaps tighten the beginning? What if Ana emotionally experiences being bullied (for whatever reason she's bullied), instead of letting it wash over her? The way it reads, Ana is disconnected from the experience, therefore the reader is as well.
    I agree with the other comment concerning bullying. Creating a unique twist will help keep it from becoming "white noise."
    Good luck with your manuscript!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Nice clean prose, competently written dialogue. A bit hum-drum as an opener, but 250 words isn't often enough to form a solid hook. I'd read the next page or two, hoping for something unusual to snap up my attention.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I like the relationship between Ana and Isaac. I always appreciate supportive friendships in fiction because it makes whatever hardships are bound to come a little easier to bear.

    On the other hand, I'm ambivalent about some aspects of the story. Mainly, I think the problem is that I'm kind of over the whole "these characters are outsiders, see how everyone picks on them" beginnings for stories. If that's an important aspect of the plot, it's one thing, but if not, is there another way to show that they don't quite fit in?

    But I do like the fact that the obnoxious remarks don't actually seem to faze them, that they shrug and move on. That's a nice touch and says interesting things about the characters.

    The voice is good, and the dialogue between Ana and Isaac is believable.

    I think you have a strong start here. Best of luck and thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I liked the sigh. It's so reflective of a teen. The first line before Day 0 was a real hook for me. I'm not sure about a Day 0 though. Day 0 made me think SciFi (since that genre tends to play with time), but this is contemporary. The dialogue flows well, and adds life to the very first sentence for me. Thanks for sharing

    ReplyDelete
  11. i was lost with no hope for my wife was cheating and had always got away with it because i did not know how or

    always too scared to pin anything on her. with the help a friend who recommended me to who help hack her phone,

    email, chat, sms and expose her for a cheater she is. I just want to say a big thank you to

    SUPERIOR.HACK@GMAIL.COM . am sure someone out there is looking for how to solve his relationship problems, you can also contact him for all sorts of hacking job..he is fast and reliable. you could also text +1 213-295-1376(whatsapp) contact and thank me later

    ReplyDelete
  12. Great blog ! your blog is really informative and I really like your blog kindly write one blog on
    Custom Printed Hemp Oil Boxes

    ReplyDelete
  13. How can I reset my Spectrum Router?

    To reset Spectrum Router, you are supposed to follow and apply few important instructions. To reset it, you are expected to follow and apply the steps. Now, to do it, you should unplug your modem from the power source and then, you are expected to unplug the power cord from the Spectrum Wifi Router. And then, you should give it at least 1 minute. Now, you are expected to stay extremely patient and then, you should let your modem which will take its time to power up and then reboot it. Now, you are expected to plug your router back into the power source. Now, if you are stuck and unable to fix it manually, you must dial Spectrum Phone number.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Easy guide for bypassing Facebook 2 factor

    Facebook is a major social media network, and its sole purpose is for the users to socialize and connect. Two-factor authentication is a security measure that is made to protect your account. If this has been enabled, the user will receive a security code. Facebook started this feature for the users to verify themselves upon logging in. And this is undoubtedly a great way of securing the account. If you have a question about how you bypass Facebook passwords, this guide will help you with that. First of all, reset your Facebook password. For that, Open Facebook and click on the Forgot Password to complete bypass facebook 2 factor. Then, enter your email address or phone number to receive a reset link. Then open your email address and click on the link. Then follow the instructions and reset the password. Then Facebook will log you into your account without the two-factor authentication.

    How To Delete Sent Email in Outlook App?

    Sometimes you compose an email and after hitting on the send button realise that there is some improper information mentioned or forgot an attachment for an important email. In that case, you have to option of recalling the email. This is how to recall email Outlook mobile app iPhone. You just have to access the mail box. Select the email that you want to recall. Then, go to the message tab on your Window. You will see a move option there. Click on that. Thereafter, click on recall this message.

    How can I permanently disable incognito mode on Android Chrome?

    To find out how to disable incognito mode on android, you must follow and apply few important instructions. First of all, you are supposed to start the Google Play app on your Phone. Now, you must search for disable incognito mode and then install the app when you see it. Now, you are supposed to launch the disable incognito mode app and then tap on open settings and then turn on disableincognitomode. Once you do follow and apply few important instructions, you would be able to resolve the issues without any fuss.

    How can I troubleshoot Verizon Email not working on Android?

    To fix verizon email not working on iphone 2022 or on Android, you must apply the steps. First of all, you should open your email application from the menu and then add a new account and then choose other and then in the next screen, you are supposed to enter your account details and then click on login and then choose POP3 and then enter the details which is under ‘server incoming mail’ and then your account would be ready to use. You can follow and apply few important instructions, once you do apply the steps and so you would be able to resolve the issues without any fuss.

    Why won't my video upload to Facebook from my iPhone?

    Numerous iPhone iOS users have reported failed video uploads to Facebook. Many factors can contribute to Facebook video upload failure, including server issues, a sluggish internet connection, your video not meeting Facebook video upload standards, corrupted video, or your browser being out of date. If you're still wondering why won't my video upload to Facebook from my iPhone, then open "Settings" on your iPhone and select "Privacy" to confirm you gave Facebook permission to see your images and videos. Slide the "Facebook" icon to "On" and then tap "Photos." To upload videos from your iPhone iOS device, you must first provide Facebook access to Photos.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hello everyone my name Ximena Jimena from Cuba i want to use this medium to inform the world on how i got cured from Herpes at first when i had symptoms back in 2014 i went for test and it came out positive i lost hope of getting a better relationship or marriage, everything changed when i met Dr Itua i contacted explained everything to him and he said he has the cure so i decided to order it from him, so i actually did after 2 weeks i went for test and i was negative i'm forever grateful to him.he can also cure
    hpv
    Hiv/Aids
    epilepsy
    sickle cell anaemia
    diabetes
    copd
    barrenness
    cancer
    wart
    psoriasis
    pityriasis rosea etc.
    email: drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com www.drituaherbalcenter.com

    ReplyDelete