tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1123151102059230421..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent #27Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77009724791184650842015-03-14T14:31:56.778-04:002015-03-14T14:31:56.778-04:00I don't know that my impression here is going ...I don't know that my impression here is going to be overly helpful because I'm guessing the dreams are a large part of your narrative, but I always find it very difficult to feel invested in a character's dreams, especially when that is my introduction to a character. I feel like I don't have a very good sense, at this point, of what this story is or who the players are. This could be my personal taste speaking, but I would advise you not to start out with a dream. You did capture my interest with the prince, though! Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66819290153228137552015-03-13T13:55:48.577-04:002015-03-13T13:55:48.577-04:00I found this very intriguing. I like the concept a...I found this very intriguing. I like the concept and your writing style. The only thing I would say is maybe slow down the beginning just a bit. The part from where the mountains enter on is a lot of visual information and it moves very fast without giving us much time to really appreciate the full creepiness and eeriness of the scene you've created.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06213374083665800577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57864377637197886922015-03-13T13:55:42.757-04:002015-03-13T13:55:42.757-04:00I read the other comments after posting mine and I...I read the other comments after posting mine and I have to say that I love Nicole's idea of starting with the prince and princess, then show us the dream, maybe through his eyes as he sees it. I think that would give it another layer and would have a much deeper impact.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06213374083665800577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71567731424262956732015-03-13T13:55:35.804-04:002015-03-13T13:55:35.804-04:00I read the other comments after posting mine and I...I read the other comments after posting mine and I have to say that I love Nicole's idea of starting with the prince and princess, then show us the dream, maybe through his eyes as he sees it. I think that would give it another layer and would have a much deeper impact.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06213374083665800577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51470831630607038492015-03-13T13:54:15.681-04:002015-03-13T13:54:15.681-04:00I found this very intriguing. I like the concept a...I found this very intriguing. I like the concept and your writing style. The only thing I would say is maybe slow down the beginning just a bit. The part from where the mountains enter on is a lot of visual information and it moves very fast without giving us much time to really appreciate the full creepiness and eeriness of the scene you've created.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06213374083665800577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71209481370219671282015-03-11T21:42:39.138-04:002015-03-11T21:42:39.138-04:00This left me curious what the story is about! I li...This left me curious what the story is about! I like your writing. I think you could tighten this up. For instance, delete "a woman snarled," and "You will die like your mother" will have even more of an impact. For the second part, maybe just start with "The Dark Prince emerged from the thick haze." Removing those extraneous things might give your story more of a punch and get rid of any sentences slowing it down.justinemcdnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19444875540542591562015-03-11T12:15:07.059-04:002015-03-11T12:15:07.059-04:00This a fascinating first page and the writing is b...This a fascinating first page and the writing is beautiful. I'm always intrigued by dark princes so that part really hooked me. I have to say I skimmed the dream a little because it didn't have any context. I didn't know who Odelia was, where she was, or how/why her dream was important. I wonder if you could start with the prince bending over the dreaming princess and show us snippets as he's either reading the dream or stealing it? Just a thought, and it's truly excellent anyway. I would absolutely read on. Nicole Lesperancehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14927785246662439235noreply@blogger.com