tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1248598925359432120..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: January Secret Agent #20Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68413223888456765942014-01-18T21:56:17.199-05:002014-01-18T21:56:17.199-05:00I really like the voice and humor here. The writin...I really like the voice and humor here. The writing flows nicely and pulled me right into the story. I'd read on. Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91864193304997798462014-01-18T11:08:51.943-05:002014-01-18T11:08:51.943-05:00A really interesting premise here - a girl who can...A really interesting premise here - a girl who can see other people's deaths. But the telling aspect waters it down a lot. Perhaps consider showing us the vision she has of her Mom's death and how it affects her. It could make a much stronger opening than having breakfast and running off to school. Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8234917713511525092014-01-18T03:11:49.609-05:002014-01-18T03:11:49.609-05:00Love the voice! I would definitely keep reading.Love the voice! I would definitely keep reading.Melindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17182951575531989338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42098901851603163472014-01-15T22:35:31.263-05:002014-01-15T22:35:31.263-05:00I meant: to throw attitude as she's going out ...I meant: to throw attitude as she's going out the door. Sorry.P.D. Pabsthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14823564043935775090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37912059067635139182014-01-15T22:33:55.257-05:002014-01-15T22:33:55.257-05:00Good hook with the first sentence. How does she kn...Good hook with the first sentence. How does she know that she'll die at this particular time? I need to know.<br /><br />I like the previous suggestion about throwing attitude out the front door to skip the breakfast thing.<br /><br />I love that she calls herself a freak, but then the paragraph is slowed by describing her reaction to her mom before going back to why she thinks she's a freak, and then back to her reaction. Maybe keep them separate and it'll flow better.<br /><br />I'm intrigued by her visions and want to know more. Good luck!P.D. Pabsthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14823564043935775090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27941234485341200282014-01-15T19:18:03.665-05:002014-01-15T19:18:03.665-05:00Your voice here is excellent. The opening is great...Your voice here is excellent. The opening is great and I'm immediately hooked. I agree with previous comment about opening your story in bed and waking up. You could convey the same thing with your MC skipping breakfast and throwing attitude while she/he is on their way out the door to school or to hang out with their friends. Otherwise, I'd totally read this.Wendy Spinalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08304730616753514902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47820171491812165262014-01-15T18:57:33.294-05:002014-01-15T18:57:33.294-05:00I also like the voice here. I'm curious how sh...I also like the voice here. I'm curious how she knows her death date, and would read on to find out. It did make me think paranormal or sci-fi rather than thriller, but I'm possibly over-thinking! I'm also curious how she witnesses death every day and her mother doesn't know. <br /><br />While the writing is sufficient, there is a cliche slant to this opening; it's not as obvious as waking up and looking in the mirror, but I've seen a lot of YA contemporaries begin with getting breakfast and starting the day. Just something to consider regarding crafting a dynamic opening. If there is another spot that might show character interaction that is a little more engaging than kitchen stuff. Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-25672958468154746222014-01-15T13:31:38.176-05:002014-01-15T13:31:38.176-05:00Your voice is spot on. Love the humor. The prose i...Your voice is spot on. Love the humor. The prose is seamless. Definitely want to read the rest of this. I wish the bot would've have let all these awesome entries in. I'm not going to have a chance! :)Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17789434379917863100noreply@blogger.com