tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1262161561922391626..comments2024-03-29T03:41:44.480-04:00Comments on Authoress: Talkin' Heads #15Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32335010409503339252013-01-29T18:36:54.133-05:002013-01-29T18:36:54.133-05:00I thought the dialogue in this was great. Both cha...I thought the dialogue in this was great. Both characters have an unusual, but very believable, way of speaking, and the way Mace needles Coop seems true to the way men treat each other.<br /><br />I'm sure the hula girl would make sense in context.<br /><br />With two men in the scene, it would help if you used Coop's name instead of referring to him so often as "he."<br /><br />I thought the paragraphing was fine; I read the half dollar rolling as a stand-in for a line of dialogue from Coop--and this was a good way to show that Mace's comment struck a nerve, without saying that.Rebecca M.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77947653407428118822013-01-29T09:53:32.877-05:002013-01-29T09:53:32.877-05:00The dialogue pulled me into the scene. It had a n...The dialogue pulled me into the scene. It had a natural rhythm and sounded authentic. I would love to know what caused this him to want to destroy a town. Also, the hula girl made me think they were in a car. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03254595113817870478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2942263557889739822013-01-28T17:28:11.073-05:002013-01-28T17:28:11.073-05:00I also thought the hula girl was something on the ...I also thought the hula girl was something on the dashboard.<br /><br />Sensing his friends curious eyes, 'Coop' - instead of 'he.' He refers to Mace.<br /><br />Pargs 4,5,and 6 should be one parg. As is, it seems Coop is speaking in parg 6, when it's really Mace.<br /><br />And it doesn't seem Mace is clueless at all. He seems to kmow exactly what's going on and has a better handle on the situation that Coop.<br /><br />I'd suggest establishing a sense of place if it isn't made evident by what comes before this. Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74554845438937625292013-01-28T15:12:19.511-05:002013-01-28T15:12:19.511-05:00I liked this (and your comment about a Justified v...I liked this (and your comment about a Justified vibe--love that show). The only thing that threw me was the hula girl, because I pictured a dashboard plastic hula girl, but then wondered, is it an actual hula girl, like at a roadside Tiki bar? The setting wasn't immediately clear, but maybe it makes sense within the larger scene. Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51846547983553585132013-01-28T12:45:39.701-05:002013-01-28T12:45:39.701-05:00Very nice. Pulled me right in and made me want to ...Very nice. Pulled me right in and made me want to find out more. <br /><br />Good job!JanetLeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04351167841202171487noreply@blogger.com