tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1289403181436518016..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: 30 Secret AgentAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30468425609085685112010-01-14T13:43:46.760-05:002010-01-14T13:43:46.760-05:00I'm on the fence with this one. I liked the be...I'm on the fence with this one. I liked the beginning and didn't even mind the first few paragraphs of telling. But then the back story just kept going and I wanted to get back to the scene. Could you work that information back into the present action somehow?<br /><br />And Flash seems like a very lovable (in a no-nonsense, watch-out-'cause-I-may-claw-your-eyes-out sort of way) narrator:) Perfect for MG.Krista Van Dolzerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6714502552003220792010-01-14T12:30:51.872-05:002010-01-14T12:30:51.872-05:00This entry had me hooked at the first sentence! Lo...This entry had me hooked at the first sentence! Love the voice!That said, my attention started slipping just a bit at the last paragraph (I liked the paragraph but just not sure if that's the right spot for it). Good job, overall, I think. So, yes, I'd definitely read more!Crystal R.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38016159735450022232010-01-13T23:55:40.307-05:002010-01-13T23:55:40.307-05:00I was on board until the break from narrative to d...I was on board until the break from narrative to directly address the reader. It slowed down the pacing and broke the "fourth wall" rule so close to the opening of the scene that I couldn't slip back into it again. Starting with "You might be wondering..." I'm wondering if this info could be woven more gently into the narrative than waving it at the readers like a big red flag.LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30267608001253964392010-01-13T18:12:24.100-05:002010-01-13T18:12:24.100-05:00Love the voice. It was fresh and snappy as well as...Love the voice. It was fresh and snappy as well as intriguing. I enjoyed being into action immediately and didn't mind getting some info as well, but I would prefer more action after paragraph six instead of more info. I'm more excited about what's happening with the new arrivals. You can tell me about the secret Legacy later. I'd definitely read more!Alyssa Kirkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05619379952262450970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37038755902765598862010-01-13T15:27:14.447-05:002010-01-13T15:27:14.447-05:00I liked the beginning a lot. But then the last few...I liked the beginning a lot. But then the last few paragraphs started feeling like TMI. I wanted to go back to the action.Sherrie Petersenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11670339498152684137noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6275859613861478122010-01-13T13:29:30.642-05:002010-01-13T13:29:30.642-05:00I, too, liked the voice. It was cute and as cat l...I, too, liked the voice. It was cute and as cat lover I'd read on.<br />-aangela robbinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07114119913653244467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41285016433526602292010-01-13T13:16:29.528-05:002010-01-13T13:16:29.528-05:00Breaking the fourth wall is difficult to do well. ...Breaking the fourth wall is difficult to do well. You've got an interesting story and a great voice here. A bit of an info dump, but that can be tightened and cleaned up. Good job.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69666502797359069662010-01-13T12:42:24.282-05:002010-01-13T12:42:24.282-05:00I like the premise but agree that the backstory go...I like the premise but agree that the backstory goes on for too long. I'd enjoy it more if it were woven into action.brendaonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62136240161672331312010-01-13T12:19:53.254-05:002010-01-13T12:19:53.254-05:00I love the voice on this--it sucked me right in. E...I love the voice on this--it sucked me right in. Excellent pacing and I like how the mystery is right there up front. Would definitely read on!Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78067506549536467552010-01-13T11:40:47.067-05:002010-01-13T11:40:47.067-05:00I really like the premise of this.
I'm not su...I really like the premise of this.<br /><br />I'm not sure about the switch to addressing the reader. I like both styles but the switch seems a bit jarring.<br /><br />I agree with Susan about the telling. I also feel like the end of this is bit of a backstory dump.Holly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47931890748264273702010-01-13T11:28:40.550-05:002010-01-13T11:28:40.550-05:00Oooh, starts out so good, and then too much tellin...Oooh, starts out so good, and then too much telling. I would much rather discover that he's a cat through the thunder rattling his whiskers.<br /><br />I am intrigued by the story and I like the voice. I want to read more, but I'm hoping for more of the action-showing you opened with.Susan Kaye Quinnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07348197999397141067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37700180680735422972010-01-13T11:27:31.117-05:002010-01-13T11:27:31.117-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Susan Kaye Quinnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07348197999397141067noreply@blogger.com