tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1583910435964616435..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: July Secret Agent #6Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88130001453279420702014-07-25T12:50:47.668-04:002014-07-25T12:50:47.668-04:00I really enjoyed this! I love the sense of place ...I really enjoyed this! I love the sense of place and time, as well as your wonderful voice! The first line is a zinger, and hooked me right away. The repetition of what this character did not do was clever and funny. What’s most exciting is the sense I have of this character – in just these few words I have a strong picture of her in my mind, and I love her already! And, it ends in a perfect spot – who is this Lord Worthing, and what is going to happen next? I’m dying to know!Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56265218427413220742014-07-25T02:09:48.032-04:002014-07-25T02:09:48.032-04:00This is very well done. It has a nice tone and se...This is very well done. It has a nice tone and sets up the mc's place in the family. It also gives us some insight to the other characters and their world, and sets up the type of magic that exists in it. It hints at a problem. I also liked the title. I'd read more.<br /><br />A few nits--<br /><br />In parg 4 - Here she and Mama 'lay' the final grounding . . .<br /><br />Cut 'but then' starting parg five, and 'where I was expected' in the same sentence.<br /><br />Sat 'and watched' in the next sentence, instead of 'watching' to keep it active.<br /><br />Replace 'was' in the last sentence with a better verb. Perhaps stood, waited or use 'loitered' this time to imply it's deliberate.<br /><br />Nicely done!Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66255442796085191472014-07-24T16:55:02.457-04:002014-07-24T16:55:02.457-04:00I really like this. A lot. I know that isn't h...I really like this. A lot. I know that isn't helpful critique, but this is good.Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07630459404574301299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11833614800866828452014-07-24T15:14:42.683-04:002014-07-24T15:14:42.683-04:00This is great. You've given me a wonderful vie...This is great. You've given me a wonderful view of the family dynamics - I believe she may be a bit like her father - and I love that there are magical elements gently woven in. <br /><br />I don't necessarily need to know her age right away given the period and your indication it is YA.<br /><br />Would love to read on and watch this relationship between your MC and the caller develop.<br /><br />Good luck.Cordelia Dinsmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10704456269484202163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26293496635041101242014-07-23T20:48:37.548-04:002014-07-23T20:48:37.548-04:00There are so many parts to this that I liked! The ...There are so many parts to this that I liked! The first line, the characterization, the language...great job! And the last line made me wish I could read more. Good luckAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13751693773287776204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-89137437884001261112014-07-23T16:57:01.433-04:002014-07-23T16:57:01.433-04:00I love the first line. The next few follow up nice...I love the first line. The next few follow up nicely. I think the line about peeking through lashes at Elizabeth should be a new paragraph, and it would be nice to know who Elizabeth is. A simple "my sister Elizabeth" would clarify. Same with James--we need a little context when all these characters are introduced.<br /><br />Beyond breaking up that chunk of text and the character intros, I think the language and setting are strong. This heroine sounds sneaky and strong-willed, and I would follow her to the next page :)<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />(note on the underline; it's probably a formatting issue. Scrivener software has an option to change italics to underline, etc.)<br /><br />Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42294043965408389632014-07-23T16:46:43.077-04:002014-07-23T16:46:43.077-04:00Good comments, all. I too would read more, primar...Good comments, all. I too would read more, primarily because I like the impishness of the MC. I would think her to be 12 or so and a bit petulant that she's not included in the preparations for Elizabeth's big day. Good luck.Sarah Maury Swanhttp://www.sarahsbookreflections.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53173278150334184612014-07-23T16:34:44.856-04:002014-07-23T16:34:44.856-04:00I love this entry. The voice rings authentic, and ...I love this entry. The voice rings authentic, and I get a sense of character right away.<br /><br />The one thing I would have like to have seen was for you to draw the reader into the historical setting with subtle clues rather than laying out the date and setting. ATG5noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-5188046927854031112014-07-23T11:41:30.375-04:002014-07-23T11:41:30.375-04:00The "I did nots" we're getting a bit...The "I did nots" we're getting a bit repetitive, but I love the voice in this. Also, great relationship building on this first page, too. I feel like I have a great grasp of her personality and of her relationship with her different family members. I also love the subtle way you weaved the magical things into the prose. I like her. ^_^krystal janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02115542477066959046noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37951228512744587722014-07-23T09:42:58.857-04:002014-07-23T09:42:58.857-04:00Loved your opening line! It sucked me in!
Second ...Loved your opening line! It sucked me in!<br /><br />Second line--would it read better to italicize 'not' instead of underline?<br /><br />I was intrigued by the use of magic and loved your MC's voice. I would have liked to have known her age. The reference to 'nursery', while it didn't make me think child, did make me think younger teen/tween. If she's older I would give us an indication here. <br /><br />Loved the set up for Lord Markson's arrival...Wish I could read more to see what happens!Amanda Ungleichhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01206169928038933906noreply@blogger.com