tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1602788591563680840..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: September Secret Agent #32Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16243325527080906712011-09-23T16:08:34.388-04:002011-09-23T16:08:34.388-04:00Not very hooked. Don't know why. The writing i...Not very hooked. Don't know why. The writing is excellent.Katharina Gerlachhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00223722392075669331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49335272994042473562011-09-23T14:34:48.062-04:002011-09-23T14:34:48.062-04:00Hi,
The biggest thing that comes to mind is that ...Hi,<br /><br />The biggest thing that comes to mind is that several characters are mentioned at the same time. Maybe it's possible to lower the number.<br /><br />Instead of naming "Kenneth" now, maybe sentence 2 could end with "Da's friend." (dropping upon one horse)<br /><br />It surprised me that Lia would run for the cottage instead of towards her friend. <br /><br />"Why hadn't her dreams forewarned her?" combined with the second sentence is almost the same as "but her fate-dreams had failed to give a timely warning for Da." Repetition.<br /><br />I looked for suggestions to help, which is why I wrote the above comments, but the plot so far sounds interesting.<br /><br />Good luck!French Ladyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15095515033768206864noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21138917596043053112011-09-22T22:45:49.041-04:002011-09-22T22:45:49.041-04:00I would think the hound would have a name.
I like...I would think the hound would have a name.<br /><br />I like the setting.<br /><br />Would Lia ask what happened to Da before rushing off? that might give Granda some info on what herbs to bring or something?<br /><br />I thought it was a little simplistic to say that "granda would heal him" as if it's black and white: as long as the person is alive, they will be healed. Is Granda really this powerful? That seems like godlike powers to me.Mark Andreashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15490077640536513271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65104792202403247682011-09-22T16:00:19.730-04:002011-09-22T16:00:19.730-04:00I thought this had potential. For me, it was just...I thought this had potential. For me, it was just that there are a lot of little things that get in the way and muddy up the actual story.<br /><br />a few examples --<br /><br />Start with Lia, not 'her'.<br /><br />Clad in her usual boys' breeches --her father's dying, and a description of her clothing gets in the way of the tension you're creating. <br /><br />She blazed across the waves of shamrock green hills -- end it there. The rest of the description is like her clothes. SHe's in a hurry. Da's dying. Is she going to wax poetic about the scenery?<br /><br />And perhaps show a bit more, rather than telling us. Rephrase sentences so that 'ing' words become 'ed' words, and you turn passive writing into active writing. <br /><br />They're all little things, but they make a big difference in the end.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76633622547874807742011-09-22T12:27:42.787-04:002011-09-22T12:27:42.787-04:00Interesting, but hard to follow at first since the...Interesting, but hard to follow at first since there are 6 people mentioned in the first 3 paragraphs.<br /><br />I'm not captured, but I'd read on to see where it goes because I'm interested in the dreams and generally the writing flows well.GSMarlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17558162486383585621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70892374176752612702011-09-22T09:08:50.388-04:002011-09-22T09:08:50.388-04:00I really enjoyed this one! I'm not a huge fant...I really enjoyed this one! I'm not a huge fantasy reader, but the way you weaved natural materials into the narrative was very appealing to me. I have a nice picture of the family dynamic already :)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14121018905141253640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54426496617253718152011-09-21T20:07:39.318-04:002011-09-21T20:07:39.318-04:00This one is fine, I find some of the vocabulary a ...This one is fine, I find some of the vocabulary a little irritating, like calling a horse a "filly" and "morsel" of hope. <br /><br />I don't find it particularly intriguing, although I do like the bit of mystery that gets set up at the very end. There's just nothing that really stands out here for me.<br /><br />I will say that the writing is strong, however.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53206178704455317472011-09-21T14:44:17.109-04:002011-09-21T14:44:17.109-04:00Nice minimal use of adjectives, good description a...Nice minimal use of adjectives, good description and set up of unfolding story. I'm not crazy about the character names, however. I'd keep reading.Word Girlnoreply@blogger.com