tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1620293259076177274..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: 37 Secret AgentAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21830450261875582282009-09-12T04:34:51.435-04:002009-09-12T04:34:51.435-04:00Hooked. I felt his need to catch their prey. When ...Hooked. I felt his need to catch their prey. When he did, I was surprised it was a person, and I felt how torn he felt.<br /><br />I thought the firefly was great. It put me outside in the dark and didn't slow the pacing.rheanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10829814043038274412009-09-11T23:19:52.484-04:002009-09-11T23:19:52.484-04:00Thank you everyone for you comments and suggestion...Thank you everyone for you comments and suggestions, and thank you, Authoress, for making it possible, and you Secret Agent, for taking the time. It was a great learning experience and lots of fun. I appreciate everyone's time and interest.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14501132182710265406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79341515603620083632009-09-11T16:25:13.298-04:002009-09-11T16:25:13.298-04:00I'd keep reading, but I'd need to get a be...I'd keep reading, but I'd need to get a better sense as to what was going on, fast, to keep me reading.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71005527344091739822009-09-10T17:29:51.111-04:002009-09-10T17:29:51.111-04:00There is suspense and smooth prose. But I'm t...There is suspense and smooth prose. But I'm too confused as to what his "prey" is and why it matters to get hooked.<br /><br />JodiJodi Ralstonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02400458940845469179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14095741558656114582009-09-10T12:45:40.694-04:002009-09-10T12:45:40.694-04:00Hooked, and one of the best entries I've read....Hooked, and one of the best entries I've read. At first I thought they were chasing some kind of animal, but when it turns out to be a person...with a black face...chased by another person wearing a hood, well, it's clear enough what's going on. I actually thought you did a great job of communicating the scene and situation without spelling it out for us.Krista Van Dolzerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56577251853248403572009-09-10T10:19:47.710-04:002009-09-10T10:19:47.710-04:00Hooked.
I was initially confused in the chase sce...Hooked.<br /><br />I was initially confused in the chase scene as to when this was happening. I read the YA Historical label and couldn't figure out if this was in medieval times, WWII, or something else. I may just need more caffeine. :)<br /><br />I'd definitely keep reading.Chrisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34719514226899597612009-09-10T08:52:17.774-04:002009-09-10T08:52:17.774-04:00... his body slick with sweat makes me think I'...<i>... his body slick with sweat</i> makes me think I'm reading a romance novel, and expect that heaving bosoms will be next.<br /><br />The name Thorny threw me a bit.<br /><br />I found the chase/hide/they're coming my way sequence confusing. If Thorny is one of the chasers, why is he apparently hiding (crouching behind a tree and melting into the dark).<br /><br /><i>Willie Brown</i> makes me think of the former mayor of San Francisco. <br /><br />And I agree that it's confusing to read about him pulling his clothes away from his skin, and then at the end realizing he apparently is dashing through the woods in a full hooded KKK outfit? (Not the best attire for melting into the darkness.)<br /><br />I think this needs some mild tightening and tweaking before I'd be hooked.Sara J. Henryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16145626175256433448noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70126579414319304772009-09-10T08:12:23.666-04:002009-09-10T08:12:23.666-04:00Oh, KKK? I was still in fantasy mode...
*cough*
...Oh, KKK? I was still in fantasy mode...<br /><br />*cough*<br /><br />Anyhow this hooked me, in a fearsome, I-don't-want-to-know-what-happens-next-please-tell-me sort of way. I don't really care about the MC though. :DSnazelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13067811993687045270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-72427270248344833112009-09-09T23:25:56.445-04:002009-09-09T23:25:56.445-04:00LOL! I'll read further...just to see if it doe...LOL! I'll read further...just to see if it does involve the KKK. It would make for an interesting story between the two boys.Devon Ashleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09027204772256727589noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64290786749002643532009-09-09T20:39:11.410-04:002009-09-09T20:39:11.410-04:00Oh. Hood.
I missed that in the last bit and was ...Oh. Hood. <br /><br />I missed that in the last bit and was wondering why everyone was zeroing in on KKK. :)Cate Kariaxihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01812494549402252779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12620184843780430002009-09-09T20:36:57.409-04:002009-09-09T20:36:57.409-04:00Yes, hooked.
I'm guessing civil war type nov...Yes, hooked. <br /><br />I'm guessing civil war type novel?Cate Kariaxihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01812494549402252779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16704971036279575762009-09-09T20:28:13.022-04:002009-09-09T20:28:13.022-04:00Well... I think we need to know more about these p...Well... I think we need to know more about these people before we care about their perils.<br /><br />I see a lot of this plunging into media res wich is probably the author's way of saying, "See here. I got me a heck of a conflict." And yes, you do need conflict or tension at the beginning but it doesn't have to be life-and death. Conflict needs to build. Start out small and then grow the conflict. Then we'll care about whta happens to Thorny and the gang.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63825993795722462702009-09-09T19:52:10.314-04:002009-09-09T19:52:10.314-04:00I got that it was the KKK right away and so that m...I got that it was the KKK right away and so that makes for some good conflict here, since he clearly knows the boy he's captured. I could see this going interesting places with that in mind, assuming that the MC is going to grow out of being in the KKK anyway. I hope. If not, I would find him and awfully hard character to like. <br /><br />I would definitely read more to find out though.Shadowfeetnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59995744227513255252009-09-09T18:43:53.792-04:002009-09-09T18:43:53.792-04:00It started out great, with immediate momentum. Bu...It started out great, with immediate momentum. But then it lost it's momentum when the firefly blinked. <br /><br />At the end when he caught Willie, was that who they were intending to catch? <br /><br />*Wait, I just got it after reading several times. They are like the Ku Klux Klan. Not very clear for me. Maybe, instead of pulling the clothes from his sticky skin, he could pull the white robe etc? I thought it was a hunting party too, maybe a mob instead? but then, maybe this would be clear to me from the novel's artwork, it's just not clear from the submission.catspithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09678913470620080696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75715716843226473382009-09-09T18:15:28.919-04:002009-09-09T18:15:28.919-04:00The writing is tight, almost too tight. I felt a l...The writing is tight, almost too tight. I felt a little too rushed along and not quite drawn into the scene.<br /><br />I'd definitely read another page or two to find out what happens next, but I'm not engaged with the MC yet and might not be in just another page or two.pj schnyderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06770556738469006567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-1065172991142804122009-09-09T18:12:42.676-04:002009-09-09T18:12:42.676-04:00I like this, though I thought you used his name to...I like this, though I thought you used his name too often.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10915282213979300302009-09-09T18:02:03.042-04:002009-09-09T18:02:03.042-04:00You got me hooked. Spooky beginning to a novel. gr...You got me hooked. Spooky beginning to a novel. great tension and description.Mark Andreashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15490077640536513271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8283152952493762022009-09-09T17:32:34.430-04:002009-09-09T17:32:34.430-04:00I like the ideas, but the writing didn't hook ...I like the ideas, but the writing didn't hook me. The short, choppy sentences were supposed to give me a feeling of breathlessness and haste, and they did...but not the right kind, I think. I mostly felt ungrounded, as if I wasn't actually *in* the story, just skimming across the surface.Jodi Meadowshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11796496740054225283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40226007235852431522009-09-09T15:42:31.774-04:002009-09-09T15:42:31.774-04:00I thought the writing was strong. Nice work.I thought the writing was strong. Nice work.Amynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57513497011335175412009-09-09T14:54:09.709-04:002009-09-09T14:54:09.709-04:00I liked it. Hooked.I liked it. Hooked.Sarah Erberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15364100717989701019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51835545385249803342009-09-09T14:02:45.119-04:002009-09-09T14:02:45.119-04:00This hooked me right away. Wow, what a great plac...This hooked me right away. Wow, what a great place to end this! You say everything with subtlety.Beth C.https://www.blogger.com/profile/09967873284070473154noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61442457862151685162009-09-09T12:53:21.223-04:002009-09-09T12:53:21.223-04:00I like it. I'm hooked. What the heck is going ...I like it. I'm hooked. What the heck is going on here? I want to find out.Lori Folkmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12707165102926821045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20890751033436431112009-09-09T12:42:15.941-04:002009-09-09T12:42:15.941-04:00I'd keep reading. Except when he said Jesus, I...I'd keep reading. Except when he said Jesus, I thought he had tackled Jesus.peachykeennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59700709921128285592009-09-09T12:34:27.973-04:002009-09-09T12:34:27.973-04:00I'm really sorry but the names Thorny and Will...I'm really sorry but the names Thorny and Willie made me snigger. I'm so infantile...Keren Davidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13121027210783177857noreply@blogger.com