tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post162685514439782315..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: 35 Talkin' HeadsAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34619089162157084482010-02-25T01:48:36.156-05:002010-02-25T01:48:36.156-05:00You did a good job conveying Grace's embarrass...You did a good job conveying Grace's embarrassment.There are some grammatical errors that need to be fixed up and a bit too many dialogue tags. If you use 'hiss' as a dialogue tag, make sure there are a few 's's in the dialogue, or drop the tag all together. ;-)Elizabeth Hollowayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14137733615625501785noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70113858907588257822010-02-24T23:02:43.882-05:002010-02-24T23:02:43.882-05:00Grace is clearly embarrassed. You can feel her te...Grace is clearly embarrassed. You can feel her tension. There are several grammatical areas that need cleaning up. <br /><br />For example: "Oh my God, you should..." <br /><br />...Grace asked hopefully, but knew full well. . .<br /><br />"Nothing," Grace said quickly. <br /><br />Jeff sounds like a really helpful friend! :-)Clairehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09609095934716513347noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22052210467534349042010-02-24T18:08:10.834-05:002010-02-24T18:08:10.834-05:00I liked it too. The conversation sucked me right i...I liked it too. The conversation sucked me right in, and I could feel the poor girl's embarrassment. Good job!Myrna Fosterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13534358757278599925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40598898819826336012010-02-24T16:44:21.023-05:002010-02-24T16:44:21.023-05:00I liked this. I found the text believable and I r...I liked this. I found the text believable and I really felt for her. I can see this situation exactly in my head.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68514915213657162982010-02-24T14:39:06.108-05:002010-02-24T14:39:06.108-05:00That was definitely an awkward introduction. Don&...That was definitely an awkward introduction. Don't you hate it when friends offer to "set you up" and then won't butt out? :) You did a nice of getting across that Grace would have rather been anywhere else.<br /><br />Watch out for all those dialogue tags, though. You don't need all the "he said," "she interrupted," "he asked," etc. They interrupt the flow of the piece and chop up the conversation. Show us who is talking, don't tell us.Juli Page Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17269486506169141680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33163913589700284742010-02-24T13:09:29.822-05:002010-02-24T13:09:29.822-05:00"...Jeff, who had been leaning over to try an..."...Jeff, who had been leaning over to try and join in on the conversation, “That’s not all. Tell him what else you do”. ..."<br /><br />This is awkward - more tell than show - and punctuation problems galore. I see the same problems throughout this submission. The conversation or situation doesn’t seem believable to me.Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47419114816098992842010-02-24T12:34:27.315-05:002010-02-24T12:34:27.315-05:00I definitely think you have successfully conveyed ...I definitely think you have successfully conveyed the idea that Grace is embarrassed.<br /><br />There are a few things you need to tidy up, IMO. You should try to put your dialogue tag at the first break in a sentence so readers don't have to go the whole paragraph before they know who is speaking. For example, <br />“Well," said Grace, "I’m a teacher. I work at a private school. Third graders.” <br /><br />When you have dialogue tags at the end, you always end the dialogue with a comma (unless it is a question) and never capitalize the tag. For example, <br /><br />“What was so funny about it?” asked John.<br /><br />Also, I would recommend that you move some of the tags to before the dialogue and try to use more descriptions and less tags. In 250 words, there probably shouldn't be more than 2 tags (you have 13).<br /><br />Last comment, you can only hiss a word with an S in it.Holly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.com