tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1636189190266383128..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: Hook the Editor #16Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14380819422130870722019-10-03T21:05:26.933-04:002019-10-03T21:05:26.933-04:00YES! I remember seeing this premise on twitter in ...YES! I remember seeing this premise on twitter in pitch practice. I loved it instantly and still do! The first lines have great tactile detail that really ground me. Loretta Chefhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14614456326479128984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36126232650142371882019-10-02T15:57:43.254-04:002019-10-02T15:57:43.254-04:00YES
I like the concept and everything is easy to f...YES<br />I like the concept and everything is easy to follow. Nice voice in the opening lines. Tiffany Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08886386535104627513noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70763877626578291292019-10-02T15:50:04.749-04:002019-10-02T15:50:04.749-04:00YES, though I'd like to see more of him in the...YES, though I'd like to see more of him in the query - or maybe just here his voice a bit more. Why does he hate STEM girl? That might help. Just a touch of detail. I agree, the description of the bat is a bit much and present tense always throws me, but that could be me. :)Victoria Dixonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08978050059674596756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71743176961205078842019-10-02T11:17:53.607-04:002019-10-02T11:17:53.607-04:00YES
The pitch is concise and the stakes are person...YES<br />The pitch is concise and the stakes are personal.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07926235665296224921noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15255006432522066162019-10-02T10:24:28.676-04:002019-10-02T10:24:28.676-04:00YES...Love opening line but I don't like line ...YES...Love opening line but I don't like line 2.GeeWizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06941244713771870949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46105113840901600892019-10-02T10:02:53.811-04:002019-10-02T10:02:53.811-04:00Yes - love the idea of this guy's world being ...Yes - love the idea of this guy's world being turned upside down - great stakes!Julie Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01820070840128609950noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21467941052969459262019-10-02T02:31:28.604-04:002019-10-02T02:31:28.604-04:00YES!
Those are some great personal stakes.
I love...YES!<br /><br />Those are some great personal stakes.<br />I love the fact that there is a STEM girl, too. We need more STEM girls in YA!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15836463261006734668noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34064556206867669482019-10-02T00:12:57.859-04:002019-10-02T00:12:57.859-04:00YES
whoa! this pitch has sort of a Back to the Fu...YES<br /><br />whoa! this pitch has sort of a Back to the Future feel and I love that movie, so I'm sold! i don't envy Derek's decision lol. Ryan Lnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6061074102011517322019-10-01T22:52:14.700-04:002019-10-01T22:52:14.700-04:00YES: I love the stakes! And I'm a huge fan of ...YES: I love the stakes! And I'm a huge fan of spacetime glitches. I think the pitch gives a good sense of who Derek is, what he wants and what he stands to lose! Chehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00256119016442160920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32761039259116881132019-10-01T20:42:09.522-04:002019-10-01T20:42:09.522-04:00YES: I love the premise! I wonder if Derek will be...YES: I love the premise! I wonder if Derek will be able to redirect his own destiny or if he's stuck in an infinite loop, meaning the fact his kids jump through time are exactly what causes him to have these kids. Fascinating hook!<br />Tanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02230294442534578836noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69029366641046175192019-10-01T13:16:27.124-04:002019-10-01T13:16:27.124-04:00YES: I really enjoyed the pitch! There's stake...YES: I really enjoyed the pitch! There's stakes and character motivation. The opening lines didn't pull me in right away. The " feeling out the warm evenness of the wood" sounds awkward. I think you could reword it for something punchier. Good luck :)Maddie Rodriguezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05284212200918139511noreply@blogger.com