tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1672350574648530924..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: April Secret Agent #13Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68001170911699251852017-04-10T08:05:10.302-04:002017-04-10T08:05:10.302-04:00Thank you so much for your feedback. In my initial...Thank you so much for your feedback. In my initial version, I had it start with her receiving an invite to the inn from her aunt. Do you think that would work?Debbiehttps://debbiedelouise.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74838146091158050842017-04-09T12:54:57.029-04:002017-04-09T12:54:57.029-04:00I felt like this could be started at another place...I felt like this could be started at another place. This is just a memory rather than events that are happening to the character right then and now. Maybe you could start with her in a session with the psychologist and go from there. Thanks for entering!Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36301941924395760892017-04-08T14:55:19.740-04:002017-04-08T14:55:19.740-04:00That's actually what I did initially, Barbara,...That's actually what I did initially, Barbara, but it didn't happen until Chapter 2, so I thought it would be better to start that way. I guess it wasn't. As far as flashbacks from her POV as a child, I do that later in the book. I alternate chapters from what's happening to her in the present upon her return to Sea Scope to what happened to her there 20 years ago and build up to her finding out what really happened and its influence on her present situation which endangers her. Debbie De Louisehttps://debbiedelouise.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21816537881724592562017-04-07T17:41:21.964-04:002017-04-07T17:41:21.964-04:00I realize this is a memory and not a dream, but it...I realize this is a memory and not a dream, but it's written as if it is. And then, we're not seeing her experience the memory. We're listening to her tell us about it.<br /><br />Think about what happened on the page. A woman remembered. Not compelling. You haven't given us story. You've given us a woman talking.<br /><br />Perhaps rewrite. Put her somewhere, doing something, and then something triggers the memory. And then show it in a flashback from her pov as a child, not as how the adult her remembers it, that way we see it in real time, and you eliminate the dreaded starting with a dream thing. Just a thought.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-44038170039906228692017-04-06T21:52:01.752-04:002017-04-06T21:52:01.752-04:00I agree that the setting is very clear. I am wanti...I agree that the setting is very clear. I am wanting more emotional information, though, especially if this is a memory that haunts her so many years later that she talks to a therapist about it. Are we supposed to feel afraid or sad for the mc? Both? What are her reactions to the sights, sounds, and smells around her? And how does she feel about them? Why does she think she continues to process this memory over and over, and what, if anything, does she want to do about it?<br /><br />Hope this helps.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10431235733322139548noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81321283648075083202017-04-06T13:03:22.108-04:002017-04-06T13:03:22.108-04:00You've done a good job establishing setting he...You've done a good job establishing setting here and giving a sense of place. I can get a feel for where she is.<br /><br />I agree with the comments of opening with a memory/dream. I found myself wanting to know where she is now, then maybe peppering in that memory as it connects to the present. <br /><br />It gave me pause that she reflected on her small but budding breasts. I wanted more of an emotional sense of the memory as opposed to a reflection on her prior physical state. <br /><br />Good luck!Lisa Leonihttp://lisaleoni.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59049393316737377322017-04-06T07:29:13.664-04:002017-04-06T07:29:13.664-04:00Thanks. I actually changed the beginning because I...Thanks. I actually changed the beginning because I thought it would make it more intriguing. I've had dreams when I was aware I was dreaming. She states she knows it's more of a memory than a dream, so she's probably in a semi-wakeful state. Thanks for the feedback.Debbie De Louisehttps://debbiedelouise.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-354657678677256212017-04-05T23:20:27.870-04:002017-04-05T23:20:27.870-04:00I agree with Katherine that starting with a dream ...I agree with Katherine that starting with a dream probably isn't a super solid beginning. I want to know her a bit before the dream. I also felt there was a little too much description about what the mc and her brother were wearing in the beginning. I really like how you describe the cooler temp of the lighthouse compared to the heat of the day. Would also love to know how it smells and any sounds/echoes inside. I hope this helps. :)Angie McCullaghhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13338130265872869124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-89178436164549191972017-04-05T17:42:52.349-04:002017-04-05T17:42:52.349-04:00Beginning with a dream is a bit risky since it'...Beginning with a dream is a bit risky since it's a common trope. If you do start with the dream, I'd suggest immersing the narrator in it a bit more. People dreaming are rarely self-aware of it. Also, given that this is a horrible memory, she might not be so matter-of-fact about experiencing it.Katherine T.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16694801421672317076noreply@blogger.com