tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1794407297683658003..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: Secret Agent #42Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33309040381500325902019-04-08T13:09:02.785-04:002019-04-08T13:09:02.785-04:00I like the concept of a girl pirate, but I wouldn&...I like the concept of a girl pirate, but I wouldn't be the right reader for this one unless she turns out to be Zerena from Tinker Belle. The use of "I" in this stands out to me, too. Is there a way to work it into the writing more? I love the visual of pirate ships and settings in the 1700s, but are we perhaps too removed from the character herself? We're learning her usual and what she likes to drink and who she might be interested in and that she's not offended by violence (but prefers nonlethal), and that all seems consistent with the girl pirate theme, but I'd like to get to know her more specifically. What are her motivations? What makes her unique? If I'm going to pick up a girl pirate book, what about this one makes *her* the right one to read about? If I picked up this snippet and placed it at the beginning of another book about a girl pirate what clue would I have that this was "our" girl pirate and not the girl pirate in another story? <br /><br />The theme is a strong one, but don't rest on it. I still want a unique character arc to relate/connect to. :)<br />Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86124848111021217932019-04-04T12:50:05.865-04:002019-04-04T12:50:05.865-04:00A trope I dream of! Girl pirates, yay! I love the ...A trope I dream of! Girl pirates, yay! I love the MC is accepted by the bartender. She knows what she wants and what men or women she needs, so I'm assuming she's looking for crew, or perhaps something much more sordid? All kinds of tomfoolery could happen from here. Great job at making the reader want more!<br /> Thompson McLeodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15951520332827222155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4691692839830252902019-04-03T22:28:11.262-04:002019-04-03T22:28:11.262-04:00I love everything about this. Girl. Pirate. The fi...I love everything about this. Girl. Pirate. The first line is incredible, because she distinguishes herself by being the only one without a weapon, yet remarkably calm about it (this tells me she herself is comfortable with weapons, yet chooses not to use one--which is badass and makes me love her in the FIRST line). <br />You do an excellent job of setting the scene and establishing her as a regular there, and when the mysterious man enters and looks at it like he owns the place, I feel your MC's confusion because I can tell she feels like it's *her* place. And all that in 250 words! Bravo! <br />My only tiny nitpicky feedback is that those descriptive sentences of the pirates in the first paragraph are all short/punchy and it gets a bit repetitive/doesn't flow as well while I'm reading. <br />But otherwise, fantastic start! I loved reading it and want to read more. Good luck! Marynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73326589070925797032019-04-03T19:28:13.685-04:002019-04-03T19:28:13.685-04:00I have two suggestions for your entry. How about y...I have two suggestions for your entry. How about your first paragraph on as strong a line as possible? For instance: "Some of the men wore cutlasses etc." Then after describing the tavern, introduce that your character is arriving in it.<br /><br />Second suggestions is for the last paragraph. You don't need to say that his glance dripped with arrogance. The following line, "a king surveying his kingdom," already says as much, and it is a much cooler description - and also a tad more ambiguous. <br /><br />Best of luck, and happy writing!Wolfnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8256591571945630692019-04-03T16:15:25.189-04:002019-04-03T16:15:25.189-04:00I would have liked to learn more about the MC rath...I would have liked to learn more about the MC rather than who was in the bar. Is she a pirate, too? If so, why doesn't she carry a weapon? If not, how did she get to this port? Why is she there? How can she be a regular if she just arrived? If she hasn't just arrived, how does a teen end up as a regular in a bar who sleeps with pirates? She is far more interesting to me than the pirates we never see (she tells us they are there. We don't see any of them, nor does she show any interest in them, even though they're her 'type.')<br /><br />The man who walks in may be a secondary character, but again, he didn't interest me as much as Anne did. Maybe get more of her on the page before telling us about the others? Maybe start with her doing something rather than telling us about her? For me, she''s the person I want to read about.<br /><br /><br />Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.com