tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post18278695681716910..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: First Kiss #8Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45469020541208680212019-02-19T15:06:33.987-05:002019-02-19T15:06:33.987-05:00Katydid:
I liked your metaphors around the kiss! ...Katydid:<br /><br />I liked your metaphors around the kiss! I wouldn't lean too much on metaphors, though--what was the kiss actually like? The literal taste of his mouth or sensation of his tongue?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62048110313005487712019-02-14T16:50:46.868-05:002019-02-14T16:50:46.868-05:00I like the chemistry and narrative. But I do agree...I like the chemistry and narrative. But I do agree that three consecutive metaphors is kind of confusing, especially since they're all pretty standard ones. Instead of mixing in every usual "first kiss" metaphor, try and think of a really interesting, unique one.<br /><br />One other note, which is kind of unrelated: did I read that wrong, or has she only known Wesley for one day? That seems kind of problematic for a relationship--usually, people can't form deep love or romantic connection in one day. Now I can't help but picture a "love at first sight" scenario, which I find cliche, unrealistic, and misleading. Diana wondering what he's like "in bed" also promotes this idea of lust over true love. I'm not saying you can't pull off a realistic love story in a day, but, well, that's one busy day, and you'll have to work overtime to make the chemistry natural and realistic.Pen Namehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09623279455622246115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77886487856143425182019-02-14T13:30:19.892-05:002019-02-14T13:30:19.892-05:00Wow, Wesley doesn't seem to beat around the bu...Wow, Wesley doesn't seem to beat around the bush! Nice.<br /><br />I would suggest paring down the metaphors in the second paragraph. Electricity, fireworks and butterflies one right after the other makes it a little crowded. Also, it feels off to have Wesley close his mouth and then immediately speak. I'm seeing someone struggling to speak through closed lips, which I'm sure is not the image you were going for. ;)<br /><br />Good luck!Matrilhttp://cynthiaailshie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com