tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1918466346948794736..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: 27 Query ContestAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40580417559331622992009-08-01T18:05:07.082-04:002009-08-01T18:05:07.082-04:00Sorry, 18k isn't a novel. It's a novelette...Sorry, 18k isn't a novel. It's a novelette, which we don't represent. Even as a MG novel, it should be longer. 40k, at least. If this is a chapter book (think Beverly Cleary and people), we don't represent that either.<br /><br />The premise doesn't hook me; I don't feel connected to the characters enough to form an emotional attachment to them. <br /><br />There are some punctuation errors in the sample page; you may want to double check on the rules for punctuation in dialogue, particularly in the first sentence. Present tense is also a tough thing to pull off, and should be as invisible as third when it works well. This, the stream-of-conscious narrative, distracts me.<br /><br />I'd generally say it's unwise to wrap one's arms around a horse who's just been struck by lightning. Even if the horse manages to get up, he'll be wild and frightened and not terribly concerned about a human's safety. <br /><br />Sorry, this just didn't hook me. Young readers would probably love the premise, but it's not for me.Jodi Meadowshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11796496740054225283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27726313089824169592009-08-01T12:16:52.727-04:002009-08-01T12:16:52.727-04:00Talking horses sounds like younger than middle gra...Talking horses sounds like younger than middle grade, and hasn't it been done a lot? (I used to watch Mr. Ed on TV when I was a kid). Maybe add another nuance to separate your book from the crowd.<br /><br />Didn't read on to the pages...usvoternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7762494830196810332009-08-01T08:01:21.422-04:002009-08-01T08:01:21.422-04:00the Query: I'm tickled by the way Big Blue can...the Query: I'm tickled by the way Big Blue can not only talk but won't shut up. Being a sucker for horses, I was hooked.<br /><br />On the other hand, 18,000 words may be on the low side for word count.<br /><br />the Sample: Good voice with action going from the very beginning. I would suggest another pass through to check grammar for things like commas. While there are good descriptions that add to the overall voice, it couldn't hurt to do a little more in terms of how the MC feels about what he's seen. It would tie me, as the reader, into the MC more.pj schnyderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06770556738469006567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84995291566443897632009-07-31T04:05:55.978-04:002009-07-31T04:05:55.978-04:00I think this might appeal to little kids. This is ...I think this might appeal to little kids. This is too short and too young for MG, I think. This might appeal to fans of Hank the Cowdog. Are those types of books classified as "children's books"? Maybe they're called "chapter books"? Whatever they are, it's not MG.brimfirehttp://brimfire.livejournal.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67343955954113462182009-07-31T01:41:07.862-04:002009-07-31T01:41:07.862-04:00I liked the premise and was hooked enough to keep ...I liked the premise and was hooked enough to keep reading through the well written query. I agree with MsJudy, though, that the partial moves too quickly and we don't get to explore the emotions or meet the character adequately.<br /><br />This is one of the better entries that I've read so far. Well done!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50976374437011410682009-07-29T23:33:14.639-04:002009-07-29T23:33:14.639-04:00The query sounds pretty good, and the credits cert...The query sounds pretty good, and the credits certainly pumped it up, but the word count is pretty low. As an agent, I'd look at the first page wondering if it's low because you're targeting early-middle grade, or if it's low because you haven't developed the story fully. <br /><br />Then I read those 250 words, and I decide it's the second. You've gone so quickly from danger and worry to disaster to recovery, all without giving us a chance to get to know the main character. If this is typical of the rest of the book, you could probably double your word count and have a more engaging book.MsJudynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31107512895281852162009-07-29T17:54:35.747-04:002009-07-29T17:54:35.747-04:00I'm hooked. I liked the voice. You did a great...I'm hooked. I liked the voice. You did a great job reflecting that in the query. That's not easy.<br /><br />Good luck!Anjanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8896678592315905222009-07-29T15:40:31.312-04:002009-07-29T15:40:31.312-04:00Hooked by the query but then the writing falls jus...Hooked by the query but then the writing falls just a tad flat for me. I'm not completely buying the voice as being thirteen in this sample. Probably just a little tweaking because it's a great idea. Great title, too.Courtney Abruzzohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09863947983523888169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66289797840450475332009-07-29T13:28:17.274-04:002009-07-29T13:28:17.274-04:0018,000 words.... might be quite a bit short for MG...18,000 words.... might be quite a bit short for MG, I think.Cate Kariaxihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01812494549402252779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16905475388348909732009-07-29T12:58:40.073-04:002009-07-29T12:58:40.073-04:00Not hooked. But I'm pretty sure that's per...Not hooked. But I'm pretty sure that's personal preference. It does sound like something I might have read as a kid, though.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-89364387059021008912009-07-29T11:52:09.213-04:002009-07-29T11:52:09.213-04:00I'm gonna agree with beth. The concept is int...I'm gonna agree with beth. The concept is intriguing, and the last line of that first paragraph, "In fact, he won't shut up," made me want to read more.<br /><br />You use a couple of exclamation points, which (in a query) probably ought to be replaced with simple, boring periods. <br /><br />The sample didn't pull me in, mainly because it moved too fast for me to get a grip on what was happening. It just threw me off balance as I was reading. Not hooked, not unhooked.The Generalissimahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16332991917944429187noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47830316235572848622009-07-29T11:17:23.210-04:002009-07-29T11:17:23.210-04:00The plot sounds intriguing and cute for kids. I...The plot sounds intriguing and cute for kids. I'm not sure about the word count: is that normal for MG? <br /><br />On to the pages...<br /><br />There's some good description here that I think would entertain kids a lot (like the fourth-of-July sparklers in the eyes). And while this is fast paced, it's almost too fast paced. You move pretty quickly from the storm to waking Blue up, but I think you miss the opportunity to explore the narrator's emotions there.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11431700962951592287noreply@blogger.com