tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post2426576376718173684..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: February Secret Agent #50Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83679536237300125582021-07-21T06:29:05.315-04:002021-07-21T06:29:05.315-04:00I like reading about little kids: their innocence ...I like reading about little kids: their innocence is adorable. Kids of their age think that <a href="https://primeessay.org/free/Research/the-late-student.html" rel="nofollow">being late to school</a> is the end of the world :)JennyCollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04323262110601730648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84938926662402374632021-03-30T11:09:53.062-04:002021-03-30T11:09:53.062-04:00Hello! I would like to thank you for the opportuni...Hello! I would like to thank you for the opportunity to read such an interesting article. Looks like a piece of some kind of novel! I believe that you have a talent for writing all sorts of articles. I believe that you could easily work as a writer who helps students with their home assignment and could help if you were asked to "Please <a href="https://papers-land.com/help-me-write-my-discussion-board-post-for-college/" rel="nofollow">write my discussion post</a> for me".Lola Nicksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14552754165553606002noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32740431710219428612012-02-19T15:29:05.501-05:002012-02-19T15:29:05.501-05:00You had me in the beginning; I loved the surprise ...You had me in the beginning; I loved the surprise of Tony daydreaming about copying the dictionary. But Tony’s exchange with Frank didn’t stand out. Wouldn’t he be smart enough to insult Frank without Frank knowing it?<br /><br />I'd also love to see more details about Tony worked in. Rather than telling us he had a way with words when he was a toddler, show us an example that gives us a window into his personality.<br /><br />Overall you have a strong voice here and a good character.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46783552603492488492012-02-19T12:24:52.969-05:002012-02-19T12:24:52.969-05:00This is darn good writing right here. DARN GOOD!
...This is darn good writing right here. DARN GOOD!<br /><br />Not many people "get" the Middle Grade voice, but you did. <br /><br />My only gripe is that Tony seems like a wuss, and I know for a fact that most 6-12 yr old boys don't like weak characters. You'll hit and miss with Tony IMHO. Redeem the MC by letting him say what he wanted to say to Frank, at least we'll see early on he has balls! <br /><br />But this is a minor complaint compared to your amazing piece of work. WELL DONE!T.D. McFrosthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12923335522993845076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37345791274748112192012-02-19T12:23:14.700-05:002012-02-19T12:23:14.700-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.T.D. McFrosthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12923335522993845076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91902270860742592992012-02-18T18:01:42.051-05:002012-02-18T18:01:42.051-05:00@Carolyn I was a middle grade child who read the d...@Carolyn I was a middle grade child who read the dictionary and the encyclopedia just for fun, so no, we do exist. Or at least we did. I find Tony quite believable--and identifiable.Petre Panhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09116806277306186024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46280961397969104442012-02-18T15:46:55.680-05:002012-02-18T15:46:55.680-05:00I thought I'd posted before, but it got lost.
...I thought I'd posted before, but it got lost.<br />I like this, especially the reading the dictionary part - I used to do that.<br />I did feel that this didn't sound like MG. I understand that the MC will have a better vocabulary than most kids his age, but you are writing to "most kids" not just the odd dictionary reading ones!<br />I'd certainly read on, but not sure about a 10yo!GSMarlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17558162486383585621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22181160984626341732012-02-18T01:11:35.405-05:002012-02-18T01:11:35.405-05:00I wasn't sure about the names Tony and Frank. ...I wasn't sure about the names Tony and Frank. Does this take place today? Maybe use one name or the other, because they are both very traditional (I don't even know anyone named Frank, or at least no one that isn't someone's grandpa). I thought it was funny though.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04319768362229583026noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74367300902956583402012-02-16T15:46:26.997-05:002012-02-16T15:46:26.997-05:00Let me preface this by saying that I don't rea...Let me preface this by saying that I don't read a lot of middle grade. But...the voice didn't strike me as middle grade. I get that he's probably advanced for his age, but, based on the words on the page, I pictured someone older--like thirty year old librarian older.<br />Also,the repetition of the names was a bit jarring. I only know one person who constantly says the name of the person he's talking to and, trust me, it's annoying. <br />I like the premise but I'm not quite hooked yet.Chelly Writeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10795244697037344432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17500373027628151732012-02-16T15:27:16.793-05:002012-02-16T15:27:16.793-05:00I loved it.
The first sentence has that dreaded &...I loved it.<br /><br />The first sentence has that dreaded "was" in it - why not consider:<br /><br />A rumor floated around Green Tree <br />Elementary...<br /><br />The voice is wonderful - I'd read on.<br /><br />Good luck and thanks for braving the comments.<br /><br />PaulaPaula Millhousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07758689597349294396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76712844881293710532012-02-16T09:52:59.548-05:002012-02-16T09:52:59.548-05:00I like the voice and the premise. The only thing i...I like the voice and the premise. The only thing ii would consider changing is, as others have said, the verb. For instance the first sentence :<br /><br />The was a rumor floating around Green Tree Elementary.<br /><br />Maybe something like,<br /><br />Rumor has it or According to a rumor floating around school <br /><br /> According to rumor, Mr Needleman made late students spend the day copying the dictionary word for word. <br /><br />I thinkit needs to be pared down and piece that first line of info. out.<br /><br />Good luck and tank you for sharing.Adopted Goddesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16854988307087656003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75131116405851893482012-02-15T21:52:52.536-05:002012-02-15T21:52:52.536-05:00Love this, and happen to disagree with the comment...Love this, and happen to disagree with the comment above regarding Tony's love for words and dictionaries. It's obviously an adorable character trait that sets him apart from the other kids. I loved your characterization!Sharonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17311797688566799767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46604307294415305852012-02-15T21:05:24.288-05:002012-02-15T21:05:24.288-05:00Love the conflict in the beginning. Aside from the...Love the conflict in the beginning. Aside from the comments listed above, I don't have anything to add. I would continue to read this one!Alleged Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04869021184116123477noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-44588801240781413542012-02-15T19:55:32.097-05:002012-02-15T19:55:32.097-05:00I love the title:).
I'm not sure about some ...I love the title:). <br /><br />I'm not sure about some of the word choices. The voice seems too adult for middle grade. I agree with Carolyn also, try stronger verbs. <br /><br />Good luck with the revisions and you deserve cudos for posting your work.J.R. Worthamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08360006987817234516noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29689070885923101512012-02-15T19:28:36.512-05:002012-02-15T19:28:36.512-05:00A cute idea...but I have some suggestions.
Maybe ...A cute idea...but I have some suggestions.<br /><br />Maybe change most of the weak/passive was and were verbs to stronger, more active ones? For example, Sammy Jacobs told Isabelle Thomas, who told me, that...or just A rumor floated around...<br /><br />Although it's cute, I don't know any kids who would love to copy words out of a dictionary for hours.<br /><br />Some of the statements sound like adult words from the last century, e.g., I was in my own little world. I just don't think a MG boy would say something like that.<br /><br />Except for the dialogue, the rest of the excerpt is telling, which could be showing for a stronger effect.<br /><br />Good luck with your revisions.Carolynnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39467796574725378512012-02-15T17:43:01.921-05:002012-02-15T17:43:01.921-05:00This is absolutely awesom! Great work!This is absolutely awesom! Great work!fastessays.co.ukhttp://fastessays.co.uk/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42616298583851834652012-02-15T17:40:13.993-05:002012-02-15T17:40:13.993-05:00Loved everything about this except for the kid say...Loved everything about this except for the kid saying he was in his own little world. Seemed a little too old-fashioned (as opposed to "mature" which I sense this kid is) for today's youth. <br /><br />Otherwise, great voice, and a solid opening scene.Tere Kirklandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13562750950130316280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55414867941766359402012-02-15T16:47:57.955-05:002012-02-15T16:47:57.955-05:00Love the name Tony Spumoni! It made me lol!!! So c...Love the name Tony Spumoni! It made me lol!!! So cute! Great writing too. I agree about Frank and Tony's names being repeated too much, and I also think it would be great for him to think of the comeback, just not say it. Other than that, nice work! :DCortney Pearsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00774060537148628453noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8149595028709461372012-02-15T15:56:38.963-05:002012-02-15T15:56:38.963-05:00Seems interesting!
However, in the last couple o...Seems interesting! <br /><br />However, in the last couple of paragraphs Frank and Tony's names were repeated too much. Try using a pronoun or some other descriptive words for them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18255050748493985502012-02-15T14:35:48.511-05:002012-02-15T14:35:48.511-05:00I like everything about this.I like everything about this.Triciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15252733129326920169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79206650090224477192012-02-15T14:34:08.196-05:002012-02-15T14:34:08.196-05:00I love the voice and I'm definitely interested...I love the voice and I'm definitely interested in the MC.<br /><br />You've let us know something about the power structure among the students at Green Tree Elementary<br />but I would like a description of Frank to make him seem more menacing.<br /><br />What was the clever comeback?<br /><br />Ordeal seemed a little strong- confrontation maybeCheerful Hikernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6430737893998074642012-02-15T14:16:34.502-05:002012-02-15T14:16:34.502-05:00It's a nice start. It flows well, and I have ...It's a nice start. It flows well, and I have a great sense of Tony though I find his name - Tony Spumoni - a bit much. <br /><br />I agree with the usage of Frank's name. Because Tony calls him by name, I get the sense that they're friends, when in reality, it seems like Frank's more of a bully.<br /><br />I'd definitey read on. Good luck!jcmotonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60614374209123236252012-02-15T13:31:38.405-05:002012-02-15T13:31:38.405-05:00Talk about a love for words. Tony sounds like an i...Talk about a love for words. Tony sounds like an interesting kid!Anita Saxenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12444339735834716979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47553670749696424472012-02-15T12:46:53.618-05:002012-02-15T12:46:53.618-05:00I also think this is adorable. It's a great op...I also think this is adorable. It's a great opening, getting us into action and giving us the character's background all at once. I do concur with the "still lost in his daydream" sentence--that was the only spot I could quarrel with.Kathleen Basihttp://www.kathleenbasi.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21614477359913199092012-02-15T12:46:31.352-05:002012-02-15T12:46:31.352-05:00I love the voice and the opening lines. I agree wi...I love the voice and the opening lines. I agree with the other suggestions; I don't read much middle grade but I really like the voice here and wanted to comment to let you know. Good luck with writing!Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.com