tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post2469099124593750229..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Are You Hooked? #9Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20351458419976028772011-02-25T13:31:25.107-05:002011-02-25T13:31:25.107-05:00So many comments about the name! But...it did stan...So many comments about the name! But...it did stand out to me as well. It makes me think I will have a hard time taking this character seriously -- and he seems to be in a pretty serious position. <br /><br />For the most part, though, I really liked this.Jodi Meadowshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04592336757637067720noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75852508313405295222011-02-25T09:48:42.972-05:002011-02-25T09:48:42.972-05:00I don't have any issues with Goop as a name, b...I don't have any issues with Goop as a name, but I'd probably introduce it differently. I also thought the word referred to a thing and not a person, so I had to read twice. And "disbelieving" also caught my attention as too formal.<br /><br />I really liked the detail about the cold air drying his eye.tarakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11879814735940426961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63491771174980482952011-02-24T21:17:53.897-05:002011-02-24T21:17:53.897-05:00I'm adding to the "Goop doesn't work ...I'm adding to the "Goop doesn't work for me" school of thought. Maybe it is because I refer to any mess created by my kids as goop. <br /><br />Loved your very visual description, and the nice twist you did at the end of the first para, with "It was perfect, in other words." (Did you consider trying it as "in other words, it was perfect" rather than the inverted form? To me it flows more smoothly that way.)<br /><br />The only other phrase that caught and stopped me was "disbelieving his luck." It feels, to me, a bit too lofty and formal for a guy named Goop. Would it work to have him voice his surprise to himself? Or inner dialogue? Just a thought...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68337625503661724652011-02-24T20:40:20.787-05:002011-02-24T20:40:20.787-05:00Hooked.
The name Goop made me reread the first se...Hooked.<br /><br />The name Goop made me reread the first sentence.<br /><br />"Goop heard a dull clang in the darkness" this made me think of nighttime, not a dark hole.<br /><br />I want to know what's in that hole.rheanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63477622164580773662011-02-24T18:58:48.197-05:002011-02-24T18:58:48.197-05:00Goop threw me off, also. I think it's because...Goop threw me off, also. I think it's because it's the first word and we generally take goop to be a thing rather than a person. If we saw it capitalized in the middle of a sentence, we'd know immediately it was a person.<br /><br />I did like this but thought it could be tightened a lot. I wondered how big this boulder was, since you compare it to a pumpkin (I realize, for color) which generally isn't as big as a boulder. I also wondered what the treasure was. It seemed he knew what he was looking for, and if that's the case, the reader should know, too.<br /><br />The first two pargs were strong and showing. The third and fifth weaken what you have with the telling. Perhaps do more showing there. Show us his shock. Let us hear the clang.<br /><br />I'd give it a few more pages.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82838058267832612042011-02-24T15:39:51.903-05:002011-02-24T15:39:51.903-05:00The 'Goop' threw me off but then it was wh...The 'Goop' threw me off but then it was why I kept reading after the first line. *grin* I think I'm hooked. I like the feel and the atmosphere. I would read on.Maggiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11796217847039316336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2152444139256268562011-02-24T13:53:19.059-05:002011-02-24T13:53:19.059-05:00I liked this a lot. Very readable! I didn't mi...I liked this a lot. Very readable! I didn't mind the name 'Goop' but it made me wonder whether he was human or not. If not, I need more clues. If so, maybe something to humanize him more? Otherwise, I'm hooked. The pace is good, the details are intriguing and I would read more.helgorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15376749960471835393noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53309658113325335732011-02-24T13:44:26.197-05:002011-02-24T13:44:26.197-05:00Hooked. Would read on in a flash.Hooked. Would read on in a flash.scriptoblamnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-644827726999476142011-02-24T13:44:17.259-05:002011-02-24T13:44:17.259-05:00One Goop too many. The last one could be 'he&#...One Goop too many. The last one could be 'he' He heard a dull clang. For that matter, 'A dull clang in the darkness . . caused an echo. (we know it's Goop hearing it.)<br /><br />I liked this. Using Goop IMO was just one more hook to make me read on.<br /><br />I like that you set the inciting incident (get out of poverty) in a strong minded MC with great description. I also like the switch of father and son roles.<br /><br />Hooked.RW Richardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08473786472219141232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49666617053080045972011-02-24T11:43:35.987-05:002011-02-24T11:43:35.987-05:00Love how quick you pull the reader into the story,...Love how quick you pull the reader into the story, but I can't get over the name Goop. I'm sure it's just me, but for some reason it pulls me right out of the story. <br /><br />Great imagery, though, and nice build-up of tension.Tere Kirklandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13562750950130316280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6867187611215951072011-02-24T10:39:41.030-05:002011-02-24T10:39:41.030-05:00Yep, I'm hooked.Yep, I'm hooked.CourtneyChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09378719093957870376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13626224527324264732011-02-24T10:29:45.486-05:002011-02-24T10:29:45.486-05:00So Hooked. Love love love this type of story.;-)So Hooked. Love love love this type of story.;-)Tammyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01674293611687455659noreply@blogger.com