tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post2768752308504062880..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: Logline Critique Round 1 #11Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87075218608499162362013-10-02T23:27:11.942-04:002013-10-02T23:27:11.942-04:00Interesting but the shadow threw me--can it be exp...Interesting but the shadow threw me--can it be explained a bit more? HEATHER LYNNE DAVIShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04324491728569039272noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12330153657126924462013-10-01T18:28:55.837-04:002013-10-01T18:28:55.837-04:00I agree that Marika's and Holly's suggesti...I agree that Marika's and Holly's suggestions could strengthen this, but I like it even as it is. I'm interested in the unattached shadow, and I can see the conflict and the stakes. Good job.amhogganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08831363893894165135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82228152402085673342013-10-01T14:51:45.208-04:002013-10-01T14:51:45.208-04:00I like this but the "sneaky, unattached shado...I like this but the "sneaky, unattached shadow" acts like a speedbump to me. Maybe pick one strong adjective that shows how the shadow will help her. Also, are her parents dead or are they going to die? If saving them is her real goal, you should say that rather than a generic "someone else". We don't care about someone else as much as we care about someone specific.<br /><br />Good luck! <br />HollyHolly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62729730405032372992013-10-01T12:22:34.665-04:002013-10-01T12:22:34.665-04:00The sneaky unattached shadow is quite intriguing. ...The sneaky unattached shadow is quite intriguing. I agree with the other comments:-)Shelly Steignoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58770496812462067242013-10-01T11:21:22.376-04:002013-10-01T11:21:22.376-04:00You have all the elements you need in this logline...You have all the elements you need in this logline. I agree with the last comment to reword, maybe "When sixteen-year-old Ana's parents go missing and her best friend is murdered . . ."<br /><br />:)M Writerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11989855805628386453noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77389986552532408392013-10-01T10:25:25.357-04:002013-10-01T10:25:25.357-04:00I liked this. My only suggestion would be to eithe...I liked this. My only suggestion would be to either take out "and her parents go missing" or else reword it, since it's not clear whether it's the murdered girl's parents, or Ana's parents. Good job!Kalinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71655210755761262832013-10-01T10:15:49.860-04:002013-10-01T10:15:49.860-04:00This one is nice and crisp. And a story I would li...This one is nice and crisp. And a story I would like to read.Mnoreply@blogger.com