tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post2832365216709741051..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent #6Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2209991565794697602013-03-29T14:44:02.708-04:002013-03-29T14:44:02.708-04:00I think this is a nice opening, although it doesn&...I think this is a nice opening, although it doesn't blow me away. Melaina is sympathetic and your prose is smooth, and you work the historical details in well. But I'll admit, I think this could be punchier. I wanted a clearer, more immediate sense of Melaina's emotions, which seemed to get a little lost in the long senses. Especially for historical (and especially if she's still a child) I think the voice needs to be stronger to draw me fully into the setting.<br /><br />But this is a good start!Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59762053140188624932013-03-29T11:30:57.102-04:002013-03-29T11:30:57.102-04:00I agree about the voice sounding too mature, but I...I agree about the voice sounding too mature, but I also agree about not caring that it does :) Since it's not YA or MG, the more mature voice isn't a problem to me. Great subject matter and way to open with conflict. I'd love to see where this goes! Best of luck!!Shiela Calderón Blankemeierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05164253791139502033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52937453081198012702013-03-28T07:58:34.328-04:002013-03-28T07:58:34.328-04:00I agree with the above comment that the age of the...I agree with the above comment that the age of the voice does not bother me as I can accept that it is memories perhaps of an older narrator remembering back. Even apart from that, I can accept the internal, more mature voice because that allows for the canvas of the story to be vast and lyrical. The age-appropriate voice can perhaps be established in dialogue. But, a very unique setting and the quality of the writing in the excerpt - it is unrushed yet uncluttered - would definitely have me reading more.Happy Dolphinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66485599291447625522013-03-27T21:42:25.204-04:002013-03-27T21:42:25.204-04:00I'm not sure I care how old or young the voice...I'm not sure I care how old or young the voice sounds...the uniqueness of your subject material and how worried Melaina is brought me past all of that. I really want to read more!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80698774689613765142013-03-27T20:37:45.645-04:002013-03-27T20:37:45.645-04:00I really liked this! I love anything that has to ...I really liked this! I love anything that has to do with ancient Greece, especially when it's as well-written as this. But I do agree with Blue and Robin that Melaina sounds much older than seven. She sounds more like a teenager than a child, in my opinion. But then maybe I'm more out of touch with how kids think than I realize. :)Kay Kauffmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09548015800317146108noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67068337805503098702013-03-27T17:17:23.042-04:002013-03-27T17:17:23.042-04:00I'm interested! My only critique is that, like...I'm interested! My only critique is that, like Blue, the voice felt a little odd to me for the age that she is. Is this being told as she's 7, or is this a brief (or not brief) retrospective memory of an adult? Otherwise, this read beautifully, and I really like the idea of a Spartan woman's storyline. I would definitely read on. Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14518631743154661402013-03-27T13:05:09.346-04:002013-03-27T13:05:09.346-04:00A historical set in Ancient Sparta! I was intrigue...A historical set in Ancient Sparta! I was intrigued by the first paragraph with the words "Be happy for him. Or act as though you are." The voice is good too, but it doesn't sound like a seven year old, even if it's is written in third person. That was my biggest issues. Maybe there's a way to keep the lovely writing, but somehow adjust the opening to reflect that Melaina's a child?Bluenoreply@blogger.com