tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post2862855882995281663..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: January Secret Agent #24Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-891530086632869052014-01-18T22:05:24.831-05:002014-01-18T22:05:24.831-05:00Without a clear sense of the main character or the...Without a clear sense of the main character or the conflict here, I felt pretty distanced from the story and, therefore, less inclined to keep reading. I wondered if it would be more compelling to start the story a little later. I also noticed a few typos you’ll want to address. Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51214447901569436162014-01-18T02:57:51.253-05:002014-01-18T02:57:51.253-05:00I noticed several typos that will need to be fixed...I noticed several typos that will need to be fixed. Some of the description felt a little repetitive and I think the page could be tightened up some, but I'd keep reading to see which fairy tale this is.<br />Melindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17182951575531989338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71887538334764448232014-01-16T22:06:05.704-05:002014-01-16T22:06:05.704-05:00Nicely done. You set the tone really well and laid...Nicely done. You set the tone really well and laid the stakes down nicely. Obviously there is something special about the baby. He is quite the talk of the town that day. <br /><br />Maybe say "Mrs. Bowler glanced down..." instead of "looked" because you write a pretty arrogant and uncaring statement from her later on: "I don't care. You shouldn't coo..."<br /><br />One more thing, I would suggest do not start the entire book with a quote from a character. Have him stand on the podium first and then speak. Phillipnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43494202827557784352014-01-16T20:23:59.639-05:002014-01-16T20:23:59.639-05:00I can't help but wonder if this is the right p...I can't help but wonder if this is the right place to start the story. I come away from this uncertain of who the main character is (I'm afraid it's the baby, and if this is YA, I don't understand why it's necessary to start with him as an infant), and that doesn't help entice me to continue. There's also just not quite enough tension that I feel as though I MUST know what happens next. There are some conflicts hinted at, but again, it's not enough to hook me. This might just be personal taste, but I'd suggest you at least consider if this scene is really necessary to include, or if you could start the story a little later when something more is happening.EllieLnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14653843321388964602014-01-16T14:31:48.547-05:002014-01-16T14:31:48.547-05:00The tone of this is very young, more early MG than...The tone of this is very young, more early MG than YA. If the son is the main character, consider whether you are starting the story in the right place. MargotGnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11303059323782202242014-01-15T23:17:21.926-05:002014-01-15T23:17:21.926-05:00I thought the characterization was very good in th...I thought the characterization was very good in this too! This felt very middle grade instead of YA, but I think it's because it has omniscient-type voice. The main thing that struck me is that there wasn't a teenage character, and I wasn't sure who to focus on because there didn't seem to be a main character. I think you want to make that clear on the first page. Jennihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13139361928785566916noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47821244878254711282014-01-15T14:57:06.251-05:002014-01-15T14:57:06.251-05:00Love the characterization. I'd take out a dial...Love the characterization. I'd take out a dialogue tag so it reads thus: "...annoying." Mrs. Bowler adjusted..." It's obvious who she's talking to, the replied is extra baggage.<br />That first paragraph is a little wordy, I'm not sure I'd talk about the divide between the town so soon. It feels like you're forcing into the beginning. (the not that it mattered line is a little awkward.) Just let that come out naturally later in the story. I wonder which fairy tale this is a retelling of?Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17789434379917863100noreply@blogger.com