tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post2910503430114904980..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: 42 Women's Fiction/Romantic ElementsAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14151625671501254692010-03-26T21:56:03.428-04:002010-03-26T21:56:03.428-04:00Not quite hooked, sorry.Not quite hooked, sorry.Merchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14394260570077969342010-03-26T00:46:58.693-04:002010-03-26T00:46:58.693-04:00Met my future. I don't like this as in this f...Met my future. I don't like this as in this form. But what if you changed 'future' to Alaska so you quantify more succinctly in those first words what you mean. <br />Met/meet/or bumped into?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28963536997065614082010-03-25T22:21:48.952-04:002010-03-25T22:21:48.952-04:00I love the title, and love Alaska. The bowels of ...I love the title, and love Alaska. The bowels of Union Station is gross, though. I was hooked up until that point.Emhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07129305433075137293noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65336686093589836372010-03-25T16:16:27.181-04:002010-03-25T16:16:27.181-04:00Maybe. I'd give it a little longer. I think I&...Maybe. I'd give it a little longer. I think I'd drop met my future. And since I have no idea where this is going--my suggestion may be way off but if you've got Alaska (wild) and Chicago (urban)--contrast and ying and yang--contrasting, as she goes off to meet this future, maybe you can show something about the contrast instead of, I don't know, just the non-specific future.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28370117539637588202010-03-25T14:52:12.773-04:002010-03-25T14:52:12.773-04:00Not hooked. She met her future. Is it a man. A ...Not hooked. She met her future. Is it a man. A dog. A homeless person. It could be anything. I agree with Amy Sue. Show us her future, then there's something definite for me to be curious about.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73413202711674793752010-03-25T14:05:28.545-04:002010-03-25T14:05:28.545-04:00The cadence would pick up a bit if you used:
Fair...The cadence would pick up a bit if you used:<br /><br />Fairbanks, Alaska and Chicago, Illinois. Ying and Yang.<br /><br />I'd suggest not telling the reader your protag meets her future. Show it.<br /><br />The dichotomy of the two settings is intriguing. I'd read on hoping the book focused on that.Amy Sue Nathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13854920309673361956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59610078314965960682010-03-25T13:56:08.005-04:002010-03-25T13:56:08.005-04:00This isn't immediately hooking me. The 3rd li...This isn't immediately hooking me. The 3rd line is a bit wordy and 'I met my future' sounds a bit melodramatic. But it's so hard to say with just one line- I don't put a book down just because of the 1st 25 words :-)Melissa Sarnohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11215683401795724259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83945667495933769092010-03-25T13:54:03.889-04:002010-03-25T13:54:03.889-04:00Not hooked. I reread several times to try to under...Not hooked. I reread several times to try to understand how the first two sentences related to the third. Even without the first two, the third seems a bit ho-hum.Sophianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63335108110426956922010-03-25T13:08:10.393-04:002010-03-25T13:08:10.393-04:00Yeah, I agree that losing the 1st 2 sentences woul...Yeah, I agree that losing the 1st 2 sentences wouldn't hurt.Joshua McCunehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17367262185912463258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53614426855964178722010-03-25T12:37:59.478-04:002010-03-25T12:37:59.478-04:00I'm iffy. This isn't really my genre, but ...I'm iffy. This isn't really my genre, but I like the Chicago/Alaska thing. I might read on.Selestialhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11513212631394350304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32475426314116182952010-03-25T12:22:59.902-04:002010-03-25T12:22:59.902-04:00I'm confused. Where's Union Station? Mayb...I'm confused. Where's Union Station? Maybe start with "I exited..." and do the first two sentences later?Jessica L. Brooks (coffeelvnmom)https://www.blogger.com/profile/17524862571932528710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-72663477541036032432010-03-25T10:55:05.158-04:002010-03-25T10:55:05.158-04:00You could drop the first 2 sentences. I'd read...You could drop the first 2 sentences. I'd read a bit more.Momwomannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36262713470607968632010-03-25T10:49:44.209-04:002010-03-25T10:49:44.209-04:00Hmmm. Not so much.Hmmm. Not so much.fairchildnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16099140628687224452010-03-25T10:30:12.641-04:002010-03-25T10:30:12.641-04:00Having lived in Alaska and Chicago, I was hooked!Having lived in Alaska and Chicago, I was hooked!Clairehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09609095934716513347noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54587808892690326662010-03-25T10:13:22.607-04:002010-03-25T10:13:22.607-04:00Maybe. State and city. City and city would be shar...Maybe. State and city. City and city would be sharper. <br /><br />Met -- meet? Or she met the future as soon as she arrived?Jodi Meadowshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11796496740054225283noreply@blogger.com