tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post2968608750377656990..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: First 100 #22Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62602294643507359232019-05-02T19:53:23.182-04:002019-05-02T19:53:23.182-04:00It confuses me that the 3rd POV narrator would ref...It confuses me that the 3rd POV narrator would refer to True's mother simply as Mom, as True or a sibling would do, rather than "HER" Mom when describing the action, this in both the first and the the second paragraph. Though I sense some fear and anxiety, I think that a description of what she felt in her old tiny apartment compared to Aunt Gert's would make the voice clearer. Making the reader feel True's urgency to go back, rather than telling us.<br />Malu Villahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11813536830655872611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20507197891050380352019-05-02T18:58:32.511-04:002019-05-02T18:58:32.511-04:00You have a lot of great description, but I think y...You have a lot of great description, but I think you can push it to the next level if you get rid of the question at the end. I find that getting rid of questions push me to be more descriptive and sensory-involving, which can be more hooky. Just a thought!Morgan Watchornhttps://twitter.com/mwatchornbooksnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58772902562191945732019-05-02T16:56:24.900-04:002019-05-02T16:56:24.900-04:00I was confused because I thought the eyes might be...I was confused because I thought the eyes might be windows<br /> And what are the silent sentinels? Statues or windows? <br /><br />I love the rest. Flickering lights, and her mom looks like an old movie. Great line! I would read more.Alicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14640032121885343233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73513438587153854062019-05-02T15:04:39.630-04:002019-05-02T15:04:39.630-04:00The first line doesn't grab me the way you wan...The first line doesn't grab me the way you want it to. It immediately makes me wonder why she's calling her Dead Aunt Gert and if she means this literally--like are there eyeballs everywhere? But then this makes no sense since she's not in the house yet. I think you need to make it clear that this is a sense rather than a literal thing.<br /><br />HollyHolly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.com