tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3178731780291829524..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: 7 Secret AgentAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6786437583701026782009-09-11T11:27:55.717-04:002009-09-11T11:27:55.717-04:00I'm ever so slightly confused. It began with a...I'm ever so slightly confused. <i>It began with a hail</i> threw me off, as I'd expect to see <i>began with someone hailing my cab</i>. And dog and hot dog in the same paragraph perhaps not the best wording, and could have done without <i>violent pink vomit,</i> because of course my analytical brain had to think about whether hot-dog vomit could possibly qualify as violently pink (not in this world, I think).<br /><br />Taxis pick up dogs? Is it a Seeing Eye dog? And I wasn't sure if <i>kind stranger</i> was sardonic or not.<br /><br />But I'd keep reading!Sara J. Henryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16145626175256433448noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10016244992817374892009-09-10T08:46:57.566-04:002009-09-10T08:46:57.566-04:00This was confusing, and I have a vague idea that t...This was confusing, and I have a vague idea that the MC is in her 30s, but I want to read more.Snazelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13067811993687045270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28370271424456140422009-09-10T03:14:36.060-04:002009-09-10T03:14:36.060-04:00This is the only entry I loved enough to click thr...This is the only entry I loved enough to click through from my reader to read!<br /><br />I think it's a little passive in places, but the voice is so completely there, and I am mega hooked!<br /><br />I love it, and wish I could read more. Congratulations on writing something really unique!~Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08872228115110257474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-44980401250615243292009-09-10T02:48:21.225-04:002009-09-10T02:48:21.225-04:00I think this needs to be tightened up, but it has ...I think this needs to be tightened up, but it has great promise. The voice is good, but the mention of her Dad dying is too lightly dealt with. Perhaps save it for later. <br />I would keep reading.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18787565124884453852009-09-09T21:35:20.621-04:002009-09-09T21:35:20.621-04:00This has a lot of promise. I think you could reall...This has a lot of promise. I think you could really think about whether it might be better to detail the day the main character's dad died later in the book. But the personality of the main character is there, and the writing is pretty solid overall. I would keep reading.Jeffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05920294061001227187noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69326425665372112022009-09-09T20:07:21.971-04:002009-09-09T20:07:21.971-04:00I liked it, especially the dog section. I agree w...I liked it, especially the dog section. I agree with everyone that the first paragraph has to go. Maybe she lied about her age to become a driver? That could be interesting in itself…susaninvthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08874131341718504468noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80834253187235974992009-09-09T15:28:42.109-04:002009-09-09T15:28:42.109-04:00I really like the voice, but I think the first par...I really like the voice, but I think the first paragraph was way too talky. Cut it down, and then I'm hooked.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16047192012474777648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86049064140276180142009-09-09T14:49:46.497-04:002009-09-09T14:49:46.497-04:00I agree with Chris. Telling us about her other bad...I agree with Chris. Telling us about her other bad days is a depressing way to start. Sort of put me off on the MC. But I like your voice. <br /><br />Not sure if I'm hooked though. Perhaps if you had started with the hail and introduced me to the man and dog right off, it may have peeked my interest more.<br /><br />But it hasn't turned me off either. I would probably read to the end of the first chapter.Devon Ashleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09027204772256727589noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65375691808492370992009-09-09T14:25:35.914-04:002009-09-09T14:25:35.914-04:00I'd cut the first paragraph and begin with the...I'd cut the first paragraph and begin with the second, mostly because there were too many numbers to digest in the first one. We can also learn later about her dad's death, I think. It's a depressing way to start. <br /><br />Hooked enough to keep reading.Chrisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53906556085658459662009-09-09T13:44:15.442-04:002009-09-09T13:44:15.442-04:00Love the voice, but not sure this is YA if mc is a...Love the voice, but not sure this is YA if mc is a cab driver? Also, you could cut a lot of the backstory, I loved the part about this being the 2nd worst day of her life, and would be more than happy to wait to find out about the first worst day - that alone would keep me reading - no need to show all your cards up front.<br /><br />still, would carry on reading, hoping to find out that the mc is younger than 18 and find out what the bizarre reason is behind her driving a cabRJaycenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55666393753815703612009-09-09T13:15:32.663-04:002009-09-09T13:15:32.663-04:00Not hooked; too much backstory too soon and it fel...Not hooked; too much backstory too soon and it felt like a lot of information was being told to the reader, not shown.Valerie Gearyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17165554338889917253noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57733295907212975062009-09-09T13:01:16.494-04:002009-09-09T13:01:16.494-04:00I would take out the sentence about her dad dying ...I would take out the sentence about her dad dying and ass it in somewhere later just because I feel like it's too jarring in addition to your first scene. Just my opinion though.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10726597997044957305noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10802541121469030122009-09-09T11:55:36.524-04:002009-09-09T11:55:36.524-04:00This is a hard one. I am not keen on that first pa...This is a hard one. I am not keen on that first paragraph, but I am interested to find out more about the dog and the person with it. I do want to point out that in NYC, drivers have to be at least 18 years old, so this main character might be too old to be YA. ISecret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32578422256050467192009-09-09T11:22:29.415-04:002009-09-09T11:22:29.415-04:00I really enjoyed your beginning -- the down-to-ear...I really enjoyed your beginning -- the down-to-earth writing drew me in, plus I'm a dog lover, so if I read "dog" I am interested to see what happens. I liked how you located this in NYC with the street names. <br /><br />My constructive criticism: tone down the chatty, familiar quality a little (but don't eliminate it). It would help the story to roll along.Samnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24830337762532404832009-09-09T11:17:06.510-04:002009-09-09T11:17:06.510-04:00This had too much back story and chit-chat for me....This had too much back story and chit-chat for me. You spent all your time telling about what had already happened, and you never got into the story you want to tell.<br /><br />I don't have a clue as to what it will be about, and I don't have any hints of the fantasy.<br /><br />Perhaps start with her picking up her passenger and get the back story in later.<br /><br />Not hooked.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14501132182710265406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26085032919260194382009-09-09T11:12:48.729-04:002009-09-09T11:12:48.729-04:00great writing here and a very distinct voice. i...great writing here and a very distinct voice. i'm interested in seeing where this is heading.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34809952343439688952009-09-09T11:00:42.723-04:002009-09-09T11:00:42.723-04:00You could probably cut the first paragraph. It dis...You could probably cut the first paragraph. It distracts from the present and you cover all the bad stuff that happened to her (in the present day) in the second paragraph. Still, I like the voice and I'd be interested in reading more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17492371415656907112009-09-09T10:59:22.242-04:002009-09-09T10:59:22.242-04:00Too many dates and days - very distracting when ...Too many dates and days - very distracting when we don't know who's who or what's what.Keren Davidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13121027210783177857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15571414870352973132009-09-09T10:50:16.526-04:002009-09-09T10:50:16.526-04:00You have a wonderful voice, but the first paragrap...You have a wonderful voice, but the first paragraph turned me off. The dates threw me. The day her father died last year is enough, I think, without specifying the date.<br /><br />The rest flowed nicely.rheanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68854872929886346022009-09-09T09:54:15.783-04:002009-09-09T09:54:15.783-04:00I like the voice a lot here and I actually like th...I like the voice a lot here and I actually like the first paragraph quite a bit. Then again, I'm a fan of internal thoughts so it could just be a preference thing. I'm assuming your MC is a teen and it seems strange for a teen to be driving a cab (or whatever it is she's driving). Interesting concept though. I'm not quite sure if I'm hooked or not here, part of me would like to read on and part is kind of thrown by theteen cabbie thing. I don't live anywhere near a big city so maybe it's possible, but I've never heard of it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75465903721485984862009-09-09T09:49:18.893-04:002009-09-09T09:49:18.893-04:00The day talk in the beginning paragraph should pro...The day talk in the beginning paragraph should probably be trimmed back or cut...Cate Kariaxihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01812494549402252779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28443951437596102782009-09-09T09:32:31.715-04:002009-09-09T09:32:31.715-04:00You have a definite voice that comes through, almo...You have a definite voice that comes through, almost chatty as if we're friends hanging out talking. Just make sure that you don't talk me in circles like in the third sentence of the first paragraph. Also, I thought it was funny she didn't like dogs. Most of the time characters adore dogs and I was impressed this one wasn't afraid to not like them.Christina Farleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03459203755170266842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10123654307343213742009-09-09T09:24:56.937-04:002009-09-09T09:24:56.937-04:00I'd cut the first paragraph. It goes from bein...I'd cut the first paragraph. It goes from being in the present in the cab with her to reflecting that it turned into the second-worst day of her life, which suggests she's in the future looking back. The change confused me. Plus there's some backstory, which isn't necessary in the first paragraph. The traffic, detour and vomiting event are all mentioned again in the second paragraph. Apart from that, I liked the writing.Bronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13029635239132926178noreply@blogger.com