tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3211418762990265036..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: 47 Secret AgentAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13825931087076369592009-11-05T16:06:42.083-05:002009-11-05T16:06:42.083-05:00I'm not the audience, and I don't know if ...I'm not the audience, and I don't know if women's fiction has different rules, but I think you're onto something here. My two concerns are it's not terribly interesting to read about someone writing (book within a book) and there doesn't seem to be much of a conflict. I know it's early, so I'd ride this one out for a while longer because I like the MC and her voice. While I don't quite understand the breast glances, I kind of like it--she's trying to force the mood (eroticism) to stoke the writing. The dialogue is good and the relationship feels real between the "rival writers."Bill Cokashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16100840155626191109noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51618929475841461372009-11-05T14:52:13.099-05:002009-11-05T14:52:13.099-05:00I'd read more. I like stories about sisters, a...I'd read more. I like stories about sisters, and from this first page I like the tone and your voice. Though I do have to agree with the comments above about look at her breasts for inspiration- kind of pulled me out of the story a bit. Good luck!Valerie Gearyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17165554338889917253noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-665816033133622122009-11-05T13:10:31.709-05:002009-11-05T13:10:31.709-05:00Fun banter between the sisters. I agree you could ...Fun banter between the sisters. I agree you could cut some of the cleavage gazing for more impact. One suggestion -- take out the entire first paragraph and start with the scene she's writing. Then, instead of saying "she glanced at her cleavage again," how about something like -- "she looked down at her own not-so-impressive cleavage" (presuming she's not quite as hot stuff as her characters, you could have a little fun with her there). Then, when her sister asks what she's looking for, her answer could be simply, "inspiration."<br /><br />Just a suggestion -- but otherwise, I enjoyed your dialogue and the setup of the polar opposite sisters. I'd enjoy seeing where this goes.giginoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21142182556803168522009-11-05T02:56:21.357-05:002009-11-05T02:56:21.357-05:00I liked it, but there wasn't anything in the f...I liked it, but there wasn't anything in the first 250 words that grabbed me and made me want to read on. If I was in a bookstore though, I could read the back cover blurb and if it sounded interesting, I'd definitely read on.Bronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13029635239132926178noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64756396088385534392009-11-05T02:21:04.193-05:002009-11-05T02:21:04.193-05:00The repartee was working for me but you were losin...The repartee was working for me but you were losing me with the protagonist who kept looking at her own breasts for inspiration. It feels like chick lit and that is really, really tough to sell right now. It isn't bad but I might hesitate to request for market reasons.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68547575558747403332009-11-05T01:45:23.796-05:002009-11-05T01:45:23.796-05:00very funny. I'd read on to see where this was ...very funny. I'd read on to see where this was going.sally https://www.blogger.com/profile/11068670473065918371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75287880499227497762009-11-04T23:43:42.572-05:002009-11-04T23:43:42.572-05:00So, I loved this! I loved the voice and the chara...So, I loved this! I loved the voice and the characterizations you've painted for these characters and you've got great dialogue here. There's not a lot happening tension-wise, but the writing is so clean and engaging that I'd definitely read on to see where this is going.LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8282124703262092822009-11-04T17:33:54.097-05:002009-11-04T17:33:54.097-05:00This has a very chick-lit vibe to it. I associate...This has a very chick-lit vibe to it. I associate women's fiction with something a little more upmarket, but that's just me. Young professionals in publishing of some sort is very common in chick lit.<br /><br />I say that the best line - your hook - is your short last line. "Fiction was an F-word." Very clever and would keep me reading but the overall tone of this excerpt makes me think it's a classic chick-lit. If it's not, you might want the reader to know right up front.<br /><br />Good luck.Amy Sue Nathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13854920309673361956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28041927262510730612009-11-04T16:43:11.633-05:002009-11-04T16:43:11.633-05:00I love the sister who looks down her nose at somet...I love the sister who looks down her nose at something 'so trivial' as fiction, but thought the way Mimi got her inspiration 'loosing her blouse' didn't quite ring true. With a better look into her process, it has definite readability.<br />-HeatherUFGirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14536128521869386173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91128068297055415012009-11-04T16:12:16.749-05:002009-11-04T16:12:16.749-05:00I am not so hooked on this one. It's hard to i...I am not so hooked on this one. It's hard to imagine someone sitting in a public place (restaurant), looking down at her own bra. <br /><br />I also found the dialogue a bit forced - for example, "What are you looking for?" doesn't seem like a realistic responise to Mimi's bra-gazing. "What are you doing?" or "Why are you staring at your own boobs?" seems more realistic to me. <br /><br />On the other hand though, I like the conflict you've set up - Jac the investigative reporter looking down her nose at fiction (esp paranormal!).Evonnenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21119887723645615582009-11-04T15:53:31.709-05:002009-11-04T15:53:31.709-05:00I definitely relate to this. ;)
The quote from th...I definitely relate to this. ;)<br /><br />The quote from the love scene was a little long, breaking up the actual story. I'd suggest making it shorter if you keep it in there.<br /><br />The dialog and sentiments have a good pace though.<br /><br />I'd read a couple more pages to see where this was going. Not firmly hooked, but curious.pj schnyderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06770556738469006567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60474683210925636332009-11-04T15:27:51.761-05:002009-11-04T15:27:51.761-05:00Somewhat hooked.
I did laugh to myself about her ...Somewhat hooked.<br /><br />I did laugh to myself about her runaway imagination. I can totally relate to that!<br /><br />The story within story is intriguing to me, but I don't get a sense of urgency as to what is at stake for the narrator.Critter Catnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28110609504996170302009-11-04T14:18:50.847-05:002009-11-04T14:18:50.847-05:00Did I misunderstand or does looking at her own bre...Did I misunderstand or does looking at her own breasts give her inspiration?<br /><br />That took me right out of the story and I stopped reading.Ruthnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-25471734372422291752009-11-04T14:11:04.508-05:002009-11-04T14:11:04.508-05:00I, too, like the real nature of the sisters. The p...I, too, like the real nature of the sisters. The part I don't like is the quote from the novel Mimi is working on. That part sounds forced. I'd keep reading, though.Shannynnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54164871073687341992009-11-04T13:48:53.922-05:002009-11-04T13:48:53.922-05:00I like this. The sisters obviously care for one a...I like this. The sisters obviously care for one another, yet don't mind being real. The relationship doesn't seem forced. The dialogue is also nice, and the comment about "Para-what?" was dead on. The only problem you might run into is the static nature of a restaurant booth, but the voice is strong enough right now to keep me reading regardless. I'm hooked.Walter Thurmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10350577888564176555noreply@blogger.com