tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3215421840549982889..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: August First Line Grabber #25Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger80125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40411712450892139982012-08-11T11:18:59.499-04:002012-08-11T11:18:59.499-04:00No, it just doesn't do it for me. I think it&#...No, it just doesn't do it for me. I think it's a bit long, for a start, and a lot of stories start with a character being born or a reference to them being born - bit of a cliche.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01866320252287612514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17586738965045324362012-08-11T09:39:16.425-04:002012-08-11T09:39:16.425-04:00Yes.Yes.Adopted Goddesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16854988307087656003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45307315049532005842012-08-10T15:31:45.427-04:002012-08-10T15:31:45.427-04:00No. Had to read twice to get it, especially with t...No. Had to read twice to get it, especially with the grammatical error.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00052141159886452951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-649822204749663942012-08-09T23:23:45.368-04:002012-08-09T23:23:45.368-04:00Yes. I love that the beginning of the sentence and...Yes. I love that the beginning of the sentence and the end of the sentence tie together.Britney Gulbrandsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03637618498524496363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28472956295175511012012-08-09T22:43:19.501-04:002012-08-09T22:43:19.501-04:00Yes, I like this, it's pretty and horrid at th...Yes, I like this, it's pretty and horrid at the same time. I like the balance of naked being at the beginning and the end.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09462486350293703991noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76638974315382723582012-08-09T22:10:07.255-04:002012-08-09T22:10:07.255-04:00Yes. I like the writing style enough to want moreYes. I like the writing style enough to want moreEarthnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64597480831178307962012-08-09T21:20:44.428-04:002012-08-09T21:20:44.428-04:00Yes. I do think this is really two sentences, but ...Yes. I do think this is really two sentences, but if you'd ended it with "as nature intended," I'd still be hooked.tarakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11879814735940426961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47991455038101985532012-08-09T20:46:31.148-04:002012-08-09T20:46:31.148-04:00Yes. I want to get to know this deep witch.Yes. I want to get to know this deep witch.Jennnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40974285963260579392012-08-09T19:20:24.241-04:002012-08-09T19:20:24.241-04:00Yes. I'm intrigued enough to keep reading, to ...Yes. I'm intrigued enough to keep reading, to see what the character has to say.Aightballhttp://aightball.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-446340876842780702012-08-09T19:16:03.082-04:002012-08-09T19:16:03.082-04:00No. It tells me nothing.No. It tells me nothing.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53105090827159219932012-08-09T15:26:25.050-04:002012-08-09T15:26:25.050-04:00No.
The sentence is long and unwieldy. And it mak...No.<br /><br />The sentence is long and unwieldy. And it makes it sound like nature intended her to be born naked and pink because she's a witch, when everyone is born naked and pink regardless... (unless you aren't). The hook bit seems to be that she's naked when she dies... but that doesn't really grab me.Heathernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16289036400063605622012-08-09T12:41:24.796-04:002012-08-09T12:41:24.796-04:00No. Telling me the character is dead in the first ...No. Telling me the character is dead in the first line doesn't do anything for me.Danielle La Pagliahttp://www.daniellelapaglia.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7315010834703364932012-08-09T12:25:27.169-04:002012-08-09T12:25:27.169-04:00Yes. I like the circular structure. Plus, I love t...Yes. I like the circular structure. Plus, I love this genre.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6875247225890376412012-08-09T02:32:09.735-04:002012-08-09T02:32:09.735-04:00No. I'm on the fence....but I'm just not c...No. I'm on the fence....but I'm just not convinced.Katherinenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21122723751629429312012-08-09T01:52:33.319-04:002012-08-09T01:52:33.319-04:00Yes. I don't usually like being told up front ...Yes. I don't usually like being told up front the character dies, and the sentence was a little awkward. I did like the 'naked and pink as nature intended' and the 'taken out of this world, naked just the same' though. Great phrasing.Tori Schindlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12350474671522596420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-5207982070414564772012-08-09T00:25:48.366-04:002012-08-09T00:25:48.366-04:00No. The wording strikes me as a tad melodramatic. ...No. The wording strikes me as a tad melodramatic. Plus, the sentence feels more like a premise or a prologue than a start to a story. Unless the character is currently dead, I'm very confused as to the tenses used. If the character IS currently dead... I'm still confused.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09413777557796110450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48663960268668380352012-08-08T23:28:41.374-04:002012-08-08T23:28:41.374-04:00No. The sentence confused me.No. The sentence confused me.Stacy McKitrickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07898731847653710759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24429870283711389012012-08-08T23:03:30.380-04:002012-08-08T23:03:30.380-04:00Yes. It has me sort of intrigued, though I'm n...Yes. It has me sort of intrigued, though I'm not sure about if I'd like the voice, but I like how the line ends referencing the first part.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56501373198246379342012-08-08T22:11:21.716-04:002012-08-08T22:11:21.716-04:00Yes. I like the mystery of how she was taken out o...Yes. I like the mystery of how she was taken out of this world. Plus, I enjoy stories about witches, so I'm hooked. :)Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11378846887890437566noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30487459173257892852012-08-08T20:47:18.838-04:002012-08-08T20:47:18.838-04:00No. I liked the ideas, but too much info in one se...No. I liked the ideas, but too much info in one sentence. Semi colon doesn't work for me there. Could work if reworded.Mary Holmhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00413720275477716972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62945912845387584142012-08-08T20:37:14.488-04:002012-08-08T20:37:14.488-04:00No. The sentence was clunky. But I like the idea.No. The sentence was clunky. But I like the idea.Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16570627401151164420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15516779498510340072012-08-08T18:40:26.132-04:002012-08-08T18:40:26.132-04:00No, don't care for the voiceNo, don't care for the voiceAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21283088159023298952012-08-08T18:15:06.239-04:002012-08-08T18:15:06.239-04:00No. I like what it's going for, but don't...No. I like what it's going for, but don't think it succeeded at it. Needs to be reworked.Susiehttp://readcomics.orgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2577420322286395322012-08-08T17:56:10.033-04:002012-08-08T17:56:10.033-04:00Yes. I'm a sucker for a well-told story about ...Yes. I'm a sucker for a well-told story about witches (especially with well-researched history weaved in), and this opened up in an intriguing way.The Kranky Crowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03540879407267148397noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7417158053582811392012-08-08T17:52:09.099-04:002012-08-08T17:52:09.099-04:00No. I'm not sure that 'as nature intended&...No. I'm not sure that 'as nature intended' actually adds to the voice. The sentence seems a bit overdone. You could just say she was born a naked witch and she died a naked witch (not exactly like that--but something simpler that doesn't seem so haughty).Petre Panhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09116806277306186024noreply@blogger.com