tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post323720179812422727..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: July Secret Agent #27Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13438693259655655842011-07-16T15:16:56.251-04:002011-07-16T15:16:56.251-04:00just a thought--i do not think words could elude s...just a thought--i do not think words could elude someone deviously. i have met very few devious words myself. i think another adverb would be stronger there.Heathernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14589953432417531302011-07-14T14:18:20.657-04:002011-07-14T14:18:20.657-04:00The writing is nice and colorful, but I didn't...The writing is nice and colorful, but I didn't buy it coming from a fourteen year old boy. The narrative sounds like it comes from a writer, and that makes Alex sound older than fourteen, to me.<br /><br />At the end, he's rushing along to tell Anastasha how much he loves her, and I wonder why he suddenly looks down at his feet. Why would he do that? I think, perhaps, he needs a reason. Maybe he trips or hears something in the brush, because otherwise, there really is no reason for him stop and look at his feet.<br /><br />The sense of foreboding that comes after that works nicely. I had imagined your hook was that Anastasha refused him, so that impending danger was a nice surprise.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79753566511803912892011-07-14T10:48:55.040-04:002011-07-14T10:48:55.040-04:00I like this, but I wonder how this continues. It&#...I like this, but I wonder how this continues. It's fun to have an emotional, wordy (likeable!) narrator for a little while, but make sure it doesn't become overwhelming.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40379092567809265602011-07-14T08:09:31.878-04:002011-07-14T08:09:31.878-04:00I really liked the first line here - it's diff...I really liked the first line here - it's different. The rest of the narrative wasn't written quite as uniquely but it was all good nonetheless. I would read more.Rena Rossnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10718532036124786106noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83504433656566335102011-07-13T16:36:23.520-04:002011-07-13T16:36:23.520-04:00Very nice! It's refreshing to see a bonafide h...Very nice! It's refreshing to see a bonafide hopeless romantic going after the ladies for once! I'm pulling for Alek, but with that last line I'm a little bit worried for him too. <br /><br />The only suggestion I have is eliminating the line: "Foul, crafty words!" It's cute, but conversational; it seems like something he'd say more than the narrator would. The line preceding it lets us know Alek's struggle with words. <br /><br />Also, nice job on the title! I'd love to see what happens next, so good luck!Vincent Kalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04625863843215035035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74665578936132401712011-07-13T12:29:07.785-04:002011-07-13T12:29:07.785-04:00Beautiful, flowing, elegant prose! Me loves :3 But...Beautiful, flowing, elegant prose! Me loves :3 But getting married at fourteen? Haha! It's cute to talk about, but I hope they don't actually do it. (Unless it's legal in the fantasy realm.)Empress Awesomehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07712340272157084662noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13031083572138824822011-07-13T11:44:35.743-04:002011-07-13T11:44:35.743-04:00This is really good stuff. The MC is really charmi...This is really good stuff. The MC is really charming, the description pulled me into the story, and I'm quite attached to his quest to get his beloved Anastasha to marry him. There's also a touch of dread towards the end that creates some great tension -- I would definitely read on.Manateehttp://www.vulgatamagazine.orgnoreply@blogger.com