tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3252074303843179302..comments2024-03-18T12:01:18.507-04:00Comments on Authoress: January Secret Agent #15Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42800295489899573752015-01-16T10:29:23.301-05:002015-01-16T10:29:23.301-05:00The second paragraph feels a bit forced with the d...The second paragraph feels a bit forced with the descriptions. Maybe you could weave them in or rephrase in a more organic way, rather than matter of fact like you’re trying to give us the setting. There’s great voice and humor shining through here from your MC. It’s giving me a bit of an Ally Carter-vibe with a blend of humor and heists. It would be nice if we could get some humor or snark right from the opening line to really grab us.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67111056053786613062015-01-15T13:40:21.172-05:002015-01-15T13:40:21.172-05:00I love this! Great setting, intriguing characters,...I love this! Great setting, intriguing characters, nice build up to some action. Great job! I would keep reading for sure!! Good luck.HEATHER LYNNE DAVIShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04324491728569039272noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34636657656307743292015-01-15T09:17:50.789-05:002015-01-15T09:17:50.789-05:00I like Raj's opening move towards his sister. ...I like Raj's opening move towards his sister. Anything with an evil grin and the stealing of someone else's food always makes me smile. I'm intrigued with the overall concept.<br />I do agree with the "beneath my eyelashes" comment. A bit awkward. Everyone else is snapping photos of the famous movie star so it wouldn't be out of place for the MC to glance at the limo. Just a thought! Great star overall. Break a leg!Emily Pichardohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18122709984178266644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42550185720980056682015-01-14T13:41:56.966-05:002015-01-14T13:41:56.966-05:00I love the setting. The only suggestions I can onl...I love the setting. The only suggestions I can only think of are line edits, like combining the evil grin and biscotti sentences. I also don't think you need "echoes of". The "someone whispered" felt strange to me - I think because I thought the person was whispering to them, but it was really just overheard, right? Maybe you could make that clear. Love the last three paragraphs. Best of luck on this!Laura Rueckerthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267281174937559086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18197860886675183312015-01-14T12:30:56.529-05:002015-01-14T12:30:56.529-05:00Strong sense of setting and good pace. Agree, Raj ...Strong sense of setting and good pace. Agree, Raj could say something a little more intriguing or start with the cute guy as the previous poster suggested. elizabethphttp://penmad.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84460242460985238622015-01-14T10:24:21.767-05:002015-01-14T10:24:21.767-05:00The end of this has me hooked, but I don't thi...The end of this has me hooked, but I don't think the beginning is as strong as it could be. Only after re-reading this did Raj's first comment really make sense to me, and his switch from being so joking to so serious was kind of jolting. Maybe introduce the cute guy Sasha's staring at before Raj speaks. You also do a great job of painting the scene and what I assume is a rather normal Rome day before the limo pulls up.<br /><br />And a nit-picky thing — "From beneath my eyelashes" stuck out to me as a little awkward, because aren't we always looking from beneath our eyelashes? If it's that she's squinting, maybe just say that.<br /><br />Good luck!lwritesnoreply@blogger.com