tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3498675948750351385..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent #9Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53568225190795810632015-03-12T17:02:44.358-04:002015-03-12T17:02:44.358-04:00So there's definitely a lot here to like! Be c...So there's definitely a lot here to like! Be careful of the market, though. You describe this as YA, but 6th grade is middle grade. In YA we're talking age 16 at the very lowest. I'd take a look at the content of the story and decide whether it skews older or younger and make sure that your character's age reflects that. The middle grade and YA markets are VERY different so it's important to know which one your book belongs to.<br /><br />I also got a fairly creepy vibe from the dad, which you may or may not have been going for, but is worth mentioning just in case! Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60179159103346352662015-03-12T00:33:37.784-04:002015-03-12T00:33:37.784-04:00First line is definately a winner. The fact that e...First line is definately a winner. The fact that everyone left early drives me into the story because I ask myself if his "something amazing" is fit for the public.....or is this going to be their LITTLE secret?CindyGnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4947590685794113642015-03-11T20:43:22.756-04:002015-03-11T20:43:22.756-04:00Just to clarify, the entry is from a very short pr...Just to clarify, the entry is from a very short prologue that takes place a few years before the rest of the story. Lily's actually a junior in high school, which is why it's YA. Thanks for the helpful comments! And next time I'm going to figure out a way to make copy and paste work with Authoress' entry form so I don't have to retype everything and end up with spelling errors! :)bookwormnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90514857118973939302015-03-11T16:14:49.548-04:002015-03-11T16:14:49.548-04:00The writing is really strong. I wish these entries...The writing is really strong. I wish these entries included a pitch! I'd love to know what the paranormal angle is. If there is a way to add even a hint of that genre in the first page (though I love the first line--that works on its own), I think that could make the page even stronger. Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23922831508415886102015-03-11T16:13:15.413-04:002015-03-11T16:13:15.413-04:00The writing is really strong. I wish these entries...The writing is really strong. I wish these entries included a pitch! I'd love to know what the paranormal angle is. If there is a way to add even a hint of that genre in the first page (though I love the first line--that works on its own), I think that could make the page even stronger. Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82437962207541490252015-03-11T14:55:48.726-04:002015-03-11T14:55:48.726-04:00This is one of the stonger entries.
I wonder if a...This is one of the stonger entries. <br />I wonder if a sixth grader would be the heroine of a YA book? And would a dad really pick up a 12 year old girl and set her on the counter? Not the sixth graders I know.<br />I agree with "stopped in her tracks" - sounds cliche.<br />Spelling error metallic.<br />Good job, overall.S.D.Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05707682524268581476noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57757566519796442512015-03-11T14:00:12.692-04:002015-03-11T14:00:12.692-04:00I like the mysterious feeling from the opening lin...I like the mysterious feeling from the opening line. I do want to know the secret. I like the atmosphere of an empty metallic lab. Antiseptic and spooky. <br /><br />Speaking of which some misspellings: metallic and antiseptic. Martin Hill Ortizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13921106080481483326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43783684486826811622015-03-11T14:00:08.865-04:002015-03-11T14:00:08.865-04:00This is really well done. The best I've read s...This is really well done. The best I've read so far. It flows well, and your use of the senses is great. The way the smell brings it home for her is good. My only critique here would be that you might have a few words/phrases that are unnecessary. "...like she was", "...and stopped in her tracks", "...a bit" could all be cut and maintain your meaning.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com